How to Raise Your Regressor

"It's calling me," she replied while staring at the heart and clutching her chest.

I don't think clawing at her chest like that is comfortable.

"What's calling you?"

Surely not the heart; it's not really capable of speech, after all.

"The heart… it's like it's inviting me," she continued staring at the heart.

Well, that's interesting, I guess.

Did I perhaps go too far in adding Arteria's attributes? Is my new creation so awesome that it has developed intelligence and identified Arteria, her new owner?

This is just wow.

"Inviting for what?"

"It's asking me to accept it," she finally looked at me. "Just what have you created?"

Asking her to accept the new heart? Wut?

Isn't that going a bit too far?

"Seriously? Wow. Looks like you'll have to wait a bit. I might have to restructure the heart a bit."

As awesome as it sounds, such a heart is more likely than not going to create problems for us in the future.

Like, come on dude, you're a motherfucking heart; act like it.

I mean, sure, people say that you must listen to your heart, but they mean that metaphorically; no one wants a heart that actually talks to them.

Imagine you're in a life and death battle, with adrenaline coursing through your veins and your heart thumping loudly. The battle is at its peak and suddenly, your heart starts cursing at you for making it beat so fast.

That would be a yikes from me.

Let's put the heart away for now. I might have put this one in the blender and make a new one-

"W-wait!" Arteria caught my hand as I was putting the heart away.

"What?"

"What are you going to do with it?"

"I'm going to, let's just say, make it stop beating."

Ez.

"But why?"

Wut?

"What do you mean, why? The heart is more intelligent than I was expecting it to be. I'm sure it'll create problems for us later down the line, so I'm going to destroy this one and create another."

"You can't do that!"

"Why not?"

It's my creation; I can do whatever I want with it.

Also, I'm actually doing it for Arteria's sake.

"It doesn't want that."

Bruh.

"You fucking piece of shit," I couldn't help but curse at the heart. "You dare manipulate Arteria? You know what? Fuck you!"

This heart is going down.

"Wait, stop!"

Haaah, now what?

"Weren't you against getting a new heart? What happened?"

Like hot damn, is this guild collecting mentally unstable people or what? Make up your damn mind, Arteria. We don't have all day.

"I-I was…." She averted her gaze, "But it's different now."

"Oh yeah? Please enlighten me; how exactly is it different now?"

Just what did this heart do to make her feel like this?

"I don't understand it myself, but… this heart reminds me of my family."

"Huh?"

Hmm, I wasn't aware that Arteria was dumb.

"Aww, it's happy that I called it family," an ecstatic smile beamed on her face.

"I'm sorry to say this, Arteria, but you need professional help."

Well, jokes aside, it's not like I absolutely cannot understand her.

It's possible that the mixing of the components of Dragon, Vampire and Shadowlord caused a mutation in the heart and made it partially sentient.

And because it was tailor-made for Arteria, it instantly recognised her as its counterpart and is trying its best to unite with her.

There are still some problems, however. We don't know the level of sentience of the new heart, and we have no idea how exactly the heart views Arteria.

For all we know, the heart could be a discount Memory System who sees Arteria as nothing more than a flesh mech to pilot.

It's possible that it's acting innocent to gain Arteria's favour and get in her body (non-sexually).

And when she starts completely trusts it and lowers her guard, bam! Arteria no longer has any control of her body.

Which, while being pretty amusing, would not be ideal.

"What do you want to do with it, then?"

"I want to adopt it."

"Hmm?"

Did I hear her right? She wants to ADOPT the heart?

Don't tell me that she wants to keep it as a pet.

Imagine the horror of people as they see a dodgy woman dragging a motherfucking heart with a leash.

She'll probably get arrested.

"Yes, I want to accept it and make it a party of my body."

"Oh, okay."

No getting arrested by taking a heart on a walk, I guess.

Sed.

"Transplant it."

"Are you sure? It's a heart, not a dress that you can change on a whim."

"You're the last person I want to hear that from," she scoffed.

Damn, she got me there.

"Well, alright, I guess. I'll put this heart in your body."

"Thanks."

"There are some conditions, however."

"What?"

"I'll also install some input guards and restrictions on this heart."

"What does that mean?" She frowned slightly.

"It means that the heart will never be able to take any actions beyond its fundamental functions without your permission."

"I have no need for that."

"I am not asking you; I'm telling you. If you cannot accept those terms, then you're free to get out of this room."

Like what, does she think this is a thrift store where she can bargain?

"Wasn't this supposed to be a negotiation."

"The conditions have changed."

"You were the one who forced me to come here, and now you're backing out?"

"I was never serious about that. Don't tell me really thought I would blackmail you into getting a fucking heart transplant."

It was supposed to be a small prank, mainly because I just wanted to show off how awesome I am because I am awesome.

According to my plan, if Arteria did not want the heart even after seeing it for herself, I would have simply let her go and retired for the night.

"…" She frowned dangerously.

Is she trying to threaten me?

"Look, the only way you're getting this heart is if you agree to my conditions."

I cannot compromise on that. The last thing I want is another one of my harmless jokes coming to bite me back in the ass.

"And what will you do if I don't?" She crossed her arms.

"I'll destroy this heart and go back to doing other productive things."

"You think I'll let you?"

"Pfft!"

Would you get a load of this idiot?

"…" She frowned even more.

"Ah, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that. Anyway, I'm suicidal. Your threat means nothing to me."

I WILL destroy that heart, even if that's the last thing I do. In fact, Arteria being against me would make it even more amusing.

Oh, wait, maybe this could be my chance to die.

If Arteria doesn't agree to my conditions, I'll crush this heart right in front of her eyes. Hopefully, it'll enrage her enough to make her kill me.

I mean, sure she might later come to hate herself for killing a child and will probably be killed/punished by the New Dawn Guild, but that's a small price to pay for my death.

Ez.

"So, your answer, please."