How to Raise Your Regressor

After being scolded by me, they should be more inclined to actually use their brains before making assumptions about me.

So, they'll no longer misunderstand my words. Good job, me.

"Alright, everyone!" Noelle clapped which made all heads turn to her. "It's time for that."

That?

Hmmm.

Why am I getting a bad feeling about this?

"What's 'that'?"

"Just wait and watch." Neia replied with a smug smile.

Yup, my bad feeling is on mark. They're about to do some weird shit.

Wao.

Following Noelle's call, all of them gathered around and completely surrounded the bed I was laying on.

"What are you guys up to?"

"Something you'll definitely like." Vafferan replied.

Mm-hmm, yes. Of course I'll like it. I'm very fond of idiots after all, am I not?

"I see. Go ahead."

They're up to no good, but I don't think they'll spare me this late in the game.

So let's just listen to what they have to say so that I can be done with this once and for all.

"In our New Dawn Guild," Noelle started, "it is a custom to throw a huge Welcoming Party for the new members."

"That's a nice custom."

The start was rather normal, which means that what's about to follow is going to be even weirder.

"Right?" Noelle smiled. "However, since you were bedridden, we had to settle for this little get-together."

"I prefer that, actually."

A huge party sounds good but in reality, it's a huge pain in the ass. As someone who's not really fond of attention, a small get-together like this one is much better.

"Haha, we expected that. But the customs must be followed."

Must? Are they a religion or what?

"So, we prepared a small 'something' for you." Azell said.

Way to steal the spotlight, Azell.

And as if this is the build-up for something 'small'.

"Is that so? Then by all means, go ahead."

Let's see what they have in store for me.

"Thank you." Azell smiled. "I'll be the first to start then."

First?

"I'm Azell Dwyer, the man who stands on a mountain of corpses. I became the Guild Master of this guild after slaughtering the previous Guild Master and his supporters."

"Wut? Come again?"

Either my ears are failing me or this dumbass just revealed to me that he's some sort of serial killer.

And honestly, I don't know what's worse.

"I said, I became the Guild Master by killing the previous one."

This is just wow.

"Uh, I don't think this is the kind of thing you reveal to a newbie."

Telling me, the newest member of the club, that he's a murderous psychopath right on my first day doesn't sound like the most tactical decision, chief.

"I just think this is something you should know."

Sorry Azell, but this is definitely not something a 12-year-old child should be aware of.

Like bruhh, I don't know what was going through his brain when he decided to reveal this to me, but I am sure as hell interested.

"Well, to each their own, I guess."

Who am I to judge someone's fetishes I mean decisions?

"It's my turn." Noelle said.

"What? Don't tell me that you got your position by killing its previous holder as well. No, wait. Is this a custom of your Guild as well?"

If yes, then thank god they didn't have an R&D department until I asked for it.

Like just think about it. If I was the previous R&D head and a glorified orphan showed up at my door to kill me and take my position while my so-called comrades were cheering him from behind, I would just jump out of the window.

"Any Guild where you have to kill the possessor of a position to get it should be wiped out from the face of this world."

"Fair enough. Anyway, go ahead."

Let's see what she has to say about herself.

"I'm Noelle Reid, the Secretary of the Guild Master and a former assassin. My kill count is in the three digits. I will be in your care."

A former assassin will be in my care? What am I, the boss of an underground organisation?

That doesn't sound that bad, now that I think about it.

"You have quite the… kill death ratio."

If she ever wants to pick up a man, she just needs to tell him her K/D and he'll be kissing her feet.

"Oh, and I'm also cursed." Noelle smiled.

"Apparently or really?"

What if it's a case like me where I'm supposed to be a cursed monster just because of my black hairs?

"Really."

"I see. Well, um, I hope you're released from that curse sometime soon."

"Thank you." With that, Noelle stepped back.

"It's my turn now." Arteria stepped forward.

"Sure, go ahead."

Let's see what dark secret she's hiding.

"I'm Arteria Nahaja, an Ancient Vampire and the Blood Lord. I was once the leader of my family, but it was unjustly massacred." I saw her clenching her fists by the corner of my eyes.

I was expecting something like that, but to think that really was the case.

Interesting.

"My condolences. Let me guess, did you join this guild so that you could avenge your family?"

That sounds like the most logical conclusion.

"Nothing of that sort." She smiled wryly. "That happened a long time ago, and I have already taken my revenge."

Really?

"Well, that was anticlimactic."

"You brat." She scoffed, then smiled.

"Well, who's next?"

Their incomprehensible actions aside, this… event has turned out to be pretty amusing.

Seriously though, why are they doing this? What could be the reason behind revealing their dark pasts to a 12-year-old child who just joined their guild?

What do they hope to achieve by it?

"Oh, it's me, it's me!" Vafferan raised her hand.

Why does she sound so enthusiastic?

Is revealing one's tragic past a new fad among today's youth?

"Okay."

Hmm, what could her backstory be?

Is she the Princess of a lost kingdom? A former Guild Master who was backstabbed by her own people? A goddess who has fallen out of grace?

"I'm Vafferan Devourer, and I'm the Ultimate Weapon. I look forward to working with you."

"Likewise- wait, what were you again?"

"The Ultimate Weapon." A slight smile emerged on her face.

"So you're an Automaton? No wait, this world is technologically advanced enough to create Automatons as advanced as you?"

What the fuck? Wasn't this supposed to be a Class 3 Category 7 Mana Based World?

How did it get so technologically advanced?

"Oh, no, no, you're misunderstanding!"

Wat? Don't tell me, did I just assume something about her without listening to her first?

Oh my god, I became the very thing I swore to destroy.

"Then?"

"I'm a human."

"But weren't you the Ultimate Weapon?"

A human cannot be a weapon.

Well, I mean, they technically can, but contrary to popular belief, treating humans as disposable weapons is socially frowned upon.

"Yes. I was created in a laboratory to be the Ultimate Weapon of humanity."

"Ahh, I see. Humans and their desire to play Gods."

It never gets old.

Humans sure like to think of themselves to be the centre of this Universe, even though they just happened to be generic enough to turn into a 'default' species.

Lie bruh, how can you be the centre of the Universe when a literal shrimp can see more wavelengths of light than you?

"R-right?" Vafferan laughed nervously.

"Yup."

"Also, when I got out of that shithole, I killed every single researcher and employee working there."

So, she painted the hallways red. Quite an exotic method of redecorating a place, but who am I to judge.

After all, as I always say, to each their own.