How to Raise Your Regressor

"I also killed all the researchers and employees working there." She unflinchingly stared at me like a champ.

Nice.

"So, did you just kill those researchers or…"

"I just killed them."

"Oh, what a waste."

If I was in her place, I would have made them only wish for death as that is much more satisfying than just taking their lives. And yes, I speak from experience.

"…" She looked at me like I was an endangered species.

"Anyway, who's next?"

I was actually expecting more from Vafferan, but as usual, life is full of disappointments.

"Me!" Clementine almost jumped in excitement.

"Eh, I already know everything about you. Next."

"Aww…" Her shoulders drooped.

"Heh, would you look at him?" Arteria grinned with widened eyes.

Hmm? What does she mean by that?

"Is there a problem?"

"There is none." She shook her head. "And that's the problem."

"You're contradicting yourself."

She's definitely not the brightest around, is she?

"Never mind. Just continue with what you were doing."

"Alright. I guess you're next." I turned to Neia.

"Yes." She nodded with a smile. "I'm Neia Al Divul, the Dragon Princess who cannot use anything other than Healing Magic. Also, I ran away from home."

"Oh, so you're purely a medic then."

So she specialises in Healing Magic. No wonder she was able to patch me up so well.

"That's an oversimplification, but yes."

"I see. And any particular reason for running away from home?"

Most likely, as a Dragon who could only use Healing Magic, she was ostracised and looked down upon by the haughty Dragons.

So, it's possible that she ran away from home to make a name for herself and prove those haters wrong.

"I just wanted to see the outside world. Is that anticlimactic as well?" She smirked.

"Nah, that's good enough."

"Hey!" Arteria interjected.

"Yes?"

Is there any problem?

"I call discrimination!"

"And I call bullshit."

"Wha?!"

"Look, from your backstory, anyone would expect you to be looking for vengeance. The fact that you were not was what made it so anticlimactic."

"And what about her?!"

"The moment I heard that she ran away from home, the first thing that came to my mind was that maybe she did it to experience a new kind of life. As it turns out, I was right."

"Are you serious?"

I'm dead serious, Arteria.

Her backstory was like an action story building up to a huge climax with a massive war, except that when that point came, they resolved their issues diplomatically to avoid war.

Like, yea sure their decision is smart as war hurts both sides but does not bring any practical benefits, but it's also extremely disappointing. People want to see brains flying around on the battlefield, not a bunch of sweaty old men sitting around a round table, discussing the terms of a peace treaty.

"On a scale of 0-10, you get 6 while Neia gets 8."

"Eh? Are you seriously grading us?" She raised her eyebrows.

"I mean, why not?"

I was practically forced to lie down and listen to their frankly unoriginal backgrounds, so I should be allowed to evaluate them, no?

"Anyway, you are the only one left." I said to the last mysterious man. "After that, your scores will be revealed to you."

From now on, call me Samur Critic Eckart.

"...Wow." The last man exclaimed. "Also, I'm Antonio Margheriti. Unlike others, I'm just a normal man who came here from Earth."

Hmm? He came here from Earth?

"What? Is that it?"

"Y-yes." He stiffly nodded.

Watching a 7 feet tall muscular man, who looked like he wrestled with bears for fun, nervously bobbing his head up and down was quite amusing.

"0/10, do not recommend."

First of all, what the fuck is a 'Normal Man' doing with this bunch of wankers with tragic backstories?

He should leave before his fate is affected by theirs and gives him a backstory just as tragic as theirs.

"Why so low?!"

"This event is about interesting backstories. Normal people like you have no place here."

"You are too harsh."

"That's what being a critic is all about."

"What about me? What's my score?" Vafferan asked as her eyes glinted.

"I'll give you 7 out of 10."

"B-but why?" The glint in her eyes vanished.

"The start of your story was interesting, but the climax was just unoriginal and poorly executed. I hope you'll do better next time."

"What do you mean next time?!" She exclaimed in what seemed to be horror.

"Oh right, there won't be a next time. So you're stuck with a 7."

"Haaaah… I don't even know anymore." She scoffed as she looked up at the ceiling.

I dunno what she's talking about.

Like what, is this your first time someone has graded your sad past? Wake up, sheeple.

"As for the others. After careful thinking, Clementine gets a 9 out 10 because her story is fresh. Noelle gets an 8, but only because she is also cursed. I give Azell a 6 out of 10 because let's be honest, this isn't the first time someone has killed to get to the top position of an organisation. Your 'I stand on a mountain of corpses' seemed interesting, but it was underutilised so no points for that."

"Y-you are harsh." Noelle said.

"But I'm fair."

"...This is the first time someone has given me a score after I told them what I went through." Vafferan pursed her lips.

"I'm an out of the box thinker."

Reading stories is my passion as it is one of the few things that excite me. So it's only natural for me to look at their stories through a critical eye and point out their flaws and strengths.

"And what about you?" Arteria quipped.

"What about me?"

"What score will you give to your own history?"

Hmm, that's an interesting question, actually.

If I'm to consider my past as the First Being, then it instantly gets an 11 out of 10, no questions asked.

But if we look at my life as Samur, then…

"4 out of 10."

"That's harsh." Arteria seemed to be taken aback.

"A kid with a difficult childhood was abandoned by his parents and saved by the protagonist passing by; that's a trope you often see in literature. As a story connoisseur, I can't give my backstory any more than 4 points."

"Oh…"

I can't be a critic if I'm afraid to criticise myself.

Also, such side characters often die before the main conflict is introduced, which is, let's just say, just what I'm counting on.

"Now, I'm sure you didn't reveal all that just to get marked by me."

That'd be incredibly weird if that indeed was the case.

"Haaah, yes." Noelle sighed. "We didn't expect you to do that either."

That sounds like blatant negligence on your part, Noelle.

"Well, no one would. So, what was your reason for doing that?"