How to Raise Your Regressor

"You're going on an expedition."

Hmm? Did I hear her right?

"An expedition? Me?"

"Yes. You and Neia are going to explore a dungeon."

Huh, I did know that this event would come, but I didn't think it'd come so soon.

"Can't we, you know, do that tomorrow?"

It's evening right now. By the time we'd get to the dungeon, night would have fallen.

I doubt challenging a dungeon during the night would be the most tactical decision on our part.

"Of course, you are going to the dungeon tomorrow." Noelle smiled, but only slightly. "He's just going to brief you on the details."

"Huh."

That makes sense.

…

Is this woman really Noelle?

Who are you, and what have you done to my Noelle?

Well, whoever you are, please stay; I prefer you over that overreacting baby.

"Wait, is that a cat?" She looked at the cat perched on the window.

"Well, that certainly is not a dragon, that I'm sure of."

I don't think the cat's appearance is unique enough to make people confused about the identity of its species.

"That's not what I mean." She rolled her eyes. "This cat is the one the guilds around this city are trying to get a hold of."

"What?" The guilds are trying to hunt down a motherfucking cat? "What war crimes have you committed, Mr. Cat?"

"Meow." It just meowed at me with disinterest.

"No, no, it's not like that. The cat is part of a challenge."

"What?"

The fuck is going on in this world? A cat-capturing Olympics?

"This cat is a familiar of the strongest witch in this town. Every guild is trying to recruit her, so she issued a test to all of them; she will join the guild which can get the collar of her familiar."

Oh? That sure is an… exotic method of choosing a guild to join.

God forbid the witch consider the salary, medical insurance policy, prospects of promotion, paid vacation et cetera to decide on a workplace. Nah mate, let's ask them to trap a cat.

Planning for the future is not one of this witch's strong suits, huh.

Unless there is a catch.

"How long has this challenge been going on for?"

"Around 6 months, I think."

"And no one managed to capture the cat?"

"No one other than you, apparently."

Except that I didn't catch the cat; I invited it.

"I see. I think I know the key to winning this challenge."

"Really?" Her eyes widened.

"The cat is impossible to catch. The only way to win is to befriend it."

"Seriously?"

"Yup. Earning the cat's trust is the only way to get the collar off it." I looked at the cat. "Isn't that right, sneaky boi?"

"Meow." The cat scowled at me.

Which introduces another possibility; the witch is the cat. To be honest that does sound like something a witch would do.

Now that would be interesting.

I still have no idea why she would choose this method other than fucking with the guilds of this city, but then again, to each their own.

"If what you are saying is true… we could get the witch to join our guild." A slightly greedy smile appeared on her face.

Bruh. You have ME and you're still lusting after a dodgy witch? How rude.

I mean, sure, you don't know what I'm truly capable of, but your actions have hurt me, Noelle.

"Maybe, but not now. We still haven't earned the cat's trust."

Not to mention that the cat was a witness to my assassination. If the cat really is the witch, then…

I'll have to bribe her to keep her mouth shut because I value diplomacy.

Of course, I'd still shoot her in the head if the witch refused to cooperate or tried to blackmail me.

And if the witch is not the cat, I'll just wipe out its memories.

Ez peezy lemon squeezy.

"Anyway, let's meet with Azell first. We can think about the cat later."

"Alright."

"You can stay here if you want." I said to the cat, and together, we left my room and headed towards Azell's office- hmm?

I looked back, and the cat was following us.

What are you up to, witch? Are you perhaps aiming to learn something about this guild? Are you a spy?

Wow, what has the world come to.

And so, the three of us entered Azell's office.

"You are here." Azell greeted me from his desk.

"Yup."

I mean, you sent Noelle to get me; of course I'd be here.

"And is that a… cat?" He looked at my feral companion, who, by the way, had taken a seat at my shoulders.

Where's the discrimination now, cat?

"I see." Azell slowly nodded. "Anyway, I'm sure Noelle briefed you on your way here."

"I'm going to explore a dungeon with Neia."

"Exactly. The dungeon you are going to is called, 'The Exalt's Memories'. It's a 1-star dungeon and has already been cleared, so you'll only find a few low-grade monsters there. Your job is to use those monsters to train and raise your level."

"A 1-star dungeon?"

"Ah, right, you probably don't know." Azell nodded with a wry smile.

"Unfortunately, no."

Though I already have an idea. A 1-star dungeon should be at the lowest rank on the dungeon hierarchy.

"Dungeons are divided into 5 categories; 1-star, 2-star, 3-star, 4-star and 5-star. Their difficulty goes up with each star."

"I see."

"A 1-star dungeon is fit for beginners like you."

"I killed a Minotaur, if you don't remember."

"And that didn't end too well for you, if you don't remember."

Wow.

"Fair enough." I shrugged.

I obviously don't need training (that's for filthy noobs), but I do want to check out a dungeon for myself. I want to determine what dungeon system they use in this world.

"But if you are still not satisfied, our guild is going to explore a 4-star dungeon in the future. If you show good results tomorrow, we might consider taking you with us."

Is this guy seriously trying to jebait me like I'm a 12-year-old child?

I mean, I am a 12-year-old child, but my actions so far should have shown that I'm far more mature than an average, run of the mill child.

"Sure."

"This contains everything you need to know about the dungeon. Make sure to study it thoroughly." He said as he handed me a thick document.

"Alright."

"And make sure you get your 8 hours of sleep. In a dungeon, a fatigued mind and body is an invitation to death."

"I understand."

A 1-star dungeon, eh? It's going to be hella easy, so I might as well create a new record for the fastest clearing time.

Time to start my legacy in this world.