How to Raise Your Regressor

"Meow."

Hmm? Why am I hearing the cry of a cat in 'nothingness'? This wasn't the deal.

"Meow!"

"Ouch." My eyes opened and I was brought back from the darkness I was floating in.

Good grief, thanks for ruining my sweet sleep by attacking my face, cat.

"Good morning."

"Meow."

Also, why are you still here? Don't have an owner to return to? Or have I unknowingly adopted you? Was saving you two times the ritual to becoming your new owner?

Gosh, that's a lot of questions for someone who just woke up.

"And good morning to you as well, Lecia." I said to the girl who was silently sitting on a chair beside my bed and staring at me.

"Morning." She curtly replied.

"I wasn't aware that you had the hobby of watching people sleep."

Why are there so many perverts in this guild? Might as well name it something like 'New Lewd Guild'.

"It's nothing like that."

"Oh yeah? Then please, enlighten me, why did I find you staring at me upon waking up?"

"Noelle sent me to…" Her eyes suddenly widened.

The next moment, sweat started pouring out of her forehead and she averted her eyes.

"Sent you to?"

"S-she asked me to wake you up." She replied without meeting my gaze.

Is this girl alright? She's not suffering from a constipated stomach, is she?

"Since you are awake now, can I go?"

"Sure."

I don't have any reason or interest in making her keep me company, nor does she look well enough to do it.

It was almost as if she was afraid of me, and it seemed she had that realisation in the middle of our conversation.

Well, I'm sure she's perfectly capable of dealing with her own problems.

And if she's not… well, tough luck.

Oh wait, am I not supposed to be her mother figure? I'm even getting paid for it.

Fuck.

Anyway, I'll decide what to do with her after I set a new record in the dungeon; the latter is more exciting.

And so, I got up, made a cup of coffee (I got a new coffee; no way in hell am I drinking that rotten piss again).

Then I washed up, donned the same pair of trousers and shirt that I had worn yesterday because who the fuck has the time to do laundry every day.

After styling my hairs and getting ready to seize the day, I left my room and headed towards Azell's office.

Of course, I was soon met with a hindrance aka my adopted sister, Clementine.

"Good morning." She greeted me. "And why does it look like you are thinking something rude about me?"

"What? Pfft! How could I ever?"

"You're the guy who thinks something rude about everyone you meet."

Wow insightful I mean hurtful.

"Are you sure you are not confusing me with someone else?"

Like yourself?

"No. Anyway, I heard you're going on an expedition?" Her eyes lit as suddenly as the change in topic.

"So it would seem, yes."

"I wanted to go too…" Her eyes drooped, making her resemble a puppy soaking in rain.

And by the use of the term 'wanted', I think it would be safe to assume that she tried to talk her way into accompanying me to the dungeon, but was met with rejection.

What is this, the story of an average teenager's first love?

"A shame."

"You don't look too sad about it."

"Would you rather I shed tears?"

How does she expect me to show my sadness?

Keeping the fact that I'm actually un-sad aside, everyone shows their emotions in different ways. For her to take a single look at my face and claim that I'm not saddened by her inability to accompany me on my journey speaks volumes about how little she understands human emotions.

"Well, not exactly…"

"See? Anyway, please step aside. Unlike you, I'm very busy; I have a dungeon to conquer, after all." I smiled.

"You!"

Before Clementine could whoop my ass, I made a run for it, only to start panting heavily in like, 12 seconds.

What the fuck?

Ah right, I forgot; I'm the holder of a Shit Body™. This body really is showing off its positions as one of the top 10 worst bodies I've ever inherited.

"You should exercise more." Clementine had the grin of the Devil as she approached me.

"I -haa- won't deny -haa- that…"

Jeez, it's difficult to even speak, let alone make an escape.

On foot, that is.

I used the artificial Magical Calculation Area of my DVH heart. Mana moved and gathered around me to kneel before me.

"Wha?!"

Moments later, I started floating up in the air.

"If I can't run, then I'll fly."

Sometimes, my genius, it scares me.

"What?! Wait!"

"Hahaha, see you later, Ms. Not-going-to-the-dungeon."

"I'll get you for this!" She screamed like a third-rate villain as I made my way to Azell's office.

After reaching it, I cancelled the spell and knocked on the door because I value privacy.

I mean, what if I just barged in and found Azell and Noelle having some private time? That would be a yikes from me?

"Come in." Came the voice from inside.

I opened the door and found the trio of Azell, Noelle and Neia waiting for me.

"Hello there."

"Morning. Are you ready?" Azell asked me.

"I'm always ready."

I'd rather die than prepare for a fucking 1-star dungeon.

That might not be the most tactical decision on my part, but that's just how I roll.

"Did you read the document I gave you?"

"I memorised it by heart."

"Okay. So what type of monsters are you expecting to find there?"

Is this wanker seriously testing me?

"Wolferions; they are agile wolf-like feral creatures with sharp fangs and claws along with a tough hide. They are weak to magic, however, so it is recommended to form a party with at least one attack magician in it when tackling them."

"Perfect."

Told ya, bitch.

"Now, the dungeon you're going to explore has already been cleared, which means the Boss monster is dead. You'll only find low level Wolferions there. Use your magic on them to train. Neia will be there to protect you, but she won't interfere until absolutely necessary."

Oh, that's a nice training regiment.

"Understood."

"Also, we've prepared a set of leather armour and a weapon for you. They will be useful."

"I don't need them. I can protect my body with magic."

Huh, that came out a bit more arrogantly than I was expecting it to.

What am I, a spoiled rich kid who has been living a luxurious life with his father's money and is about to have reality thrust in his face when everything goes wrong in the dungeon?

Oddly specific, if I do say so myself.