I Am An Orthodox Heavenly Being Working As A Security Guard On Earth

"Old Jade Emperor, don't let me meet you again, or I'll beat the crap out of you."

I saw a young man in his early twenties, with an ordinary appearance but a hint of grace in his wretched temperament, cursing incessantly at a statue of the Jade Emperor with a majestic appearance and extremely gorgeous clothes.

The young man's name is Lin Yi. He was originally a carefree little fairy in heaven. At a peach festival, he drunkenly molested Tianyang, the second daughter of the Jade Emperor. Lin Yi only talked a few words without causing any trouble. What happened? I originally thought that the matter would be settled. After the Peach Conference, Lin Yi continued to live his life of eating and waiting to die.

What happened next made Lin Yi burst into tears every time he thought about it.

The cause of the incident was that Taishang Laojun calculated that there would be a catastrophe in the future in the mortal world. Heaven must send people to help the mortal world survive the disaster. Otherwise, the mortal world will inevitably be devastated, causing turmoil in the three realms and weakening the Taoist destiny.

Lin Yi never expected that the Jade Emperor would actually order him to go and help the mortal world to overcome the calamity. He would arrange such an important matter for himself, a little transparent person in the fairy world, and promised that he would be rewarded heavily after he helped the mortal world to overcome the calamity. .

Lin Yi was confused at first, but at that time, Lin Yi naively thought that the fairy in plain clothes was also secretly interested in him. When he was drunk, he impressed her with her intentions and recommended himself to the Jade Emperor.

In the Heavenly Palace, Guan Qiu and Lin Yi had already dreamed of marrying Bai Fumei, becoming the Jade Emperor, and reaching the pinnacle of immortality.

Lin Yi wiped the saliva that overflowed from the corner of his mouth, and almost blurted out "father-in-law", and immediately agreed readily, it was just a business trip, it was a trivial matter.

Facts have proved that the biggest illusion in life is: she likes me.

Never imagined……

"XX, you old Jade Emperor, XX, you are a magic stick, it's been 1,500 years, I have been trapped in the human world for 1,500 years."

"You actually lied to me and told me that there was a great catastrophe in the mortal world and that I should guard the mortal world. As long as I could help the mortal world successfully overcome the tribulation, I kicked out Liu Hong, the on-duty merit cao, and made me one of the fourth-level merit cao. From then on, I was ranked in the Immortal Class. Jumping out of the Three Realms and not being in the Five Elements, living the same life as the heaven and the earth, and the sun and the moon shining together, I really believed in your evil deeds at first, but why did I just believe in the pie you painted?"

Lin Yishi finally figured out now that he was sent to help the mortal world overcome the calamity. He was clearly demoted to the mortal world by that old Jade Emperor.

Nowadays, immortals and mortals are different, and the fourth-level meritorious service has long existed in name only. No wonder those four guys get together to play mahjong and drink wine every day instead of monitoring the human world. Especially Zhou Deng, the god of day duty, and Liu Hong, the god of time duty, are all laughing. It's crooked, and the immortal body has gained a lot of weight.

Every day, I am called around by a group of mortal Taoist priests. I always take a piece of talisman and say, "Today, I will report to heaven and to the underworld. Where are the merits of the day?"

The two of them are so busy every day that they are spinning like Nezha's Hot Wheels. Now that they are autonomous in the mortal world, they are finally free. How can they not be happy?

Now that I think about it, it must be because I teased the old man's second daughter and tricked me into the mortal world. With the Jade Emperor's petty character, this is just like his style.

Now that the two realms of immortality and mortal world are blocked by heaven, there is no hope for me to return to the immortal world. Unless a real catastrophe of heaven and earth occurs in the human world, I can help the mortal world to overcome the tribulation and cultivate supreme merits to protect myself. Only by breaking the blockade of heaven can I have a glimmer of hope. Return to the fairyland.

What is even more tragic is that after the blockade of heaven, it means that the human world will be completely autonomous, and it will no longer be under the jurisdiction of the fairy world. In the mortal world, Buddha cannot cross, ghosts cannot bully, and immortals cannot control.

If you use your immortal power at will, you will inevitably suffer from the backlash of heaven. At best, your cultivation will disappear, or at worst, your body and soul will disappear. In those days, Lin Yi had no choice but to engage in the fortune-telling business in order to get some pocket money.

Later, not only was the path to immortality almost cut off due to the karma, but he was even almost discovered by Heaven. He was even beaten up as a liar and did not dare to fight back. If Lin Yi hadn't pretended to be beaten to death to escape Heaven's attention, it is estimated that it would have been more than a thousand years. He was saved by heaven and sent to reincarnation before.

Later, in order to prevent the heavens on earth from discovering the existence of his anomaly, and thus being plagued by disaster, Lin Yi killed himself like an ant. From then on, Lin Yi behaved more ordinary than ordinary people, leaving only an immortal body. The immortal body lingered on for thousands of years.

It is said that one day in heaven and one year on earth, but Lin Yi felt like he had experienced hundreds of reincarnations.

It has been so long that Lin Yi can no longer remember what the Nantianmen is like. I wonder if the King of Growth who guards the Nantianmen owes him five hundred immortal spiritual stones. Do you still remember that the King of Guangmu used himself to deduce the thousand-year fine carving? I wonder if anyone has discovered the fantasy array of erotic pictures that I carefully arranged. I hope that if someone finds out, he won’t say it’s mine, and he shouldn’t have lent it to that pornographic artist in the first place.

I wonder if the fairy in plain clothes still remembers the fanatical fairy fans who frantically called her and followed her closely no matter when eating, shopping or bathing, and whether the little white dragon she has raised in her cave for thousands of years has successfully transformed. Presumably, after she transforms into a beautiful little fairy, she will be a beautiful and delicious little fairy.

In the long world, the aura of an immortal with extraordinary and timeless temperament has also been wiped out in the thousands of years of mortals.

Thinking of this, Lin Yi couldn't help but whimper. His dream of a dragon knight was over before it even started. Especially when he thought of the cave in the heavenly palace, where the golden light was dotted with thousands of red lights, and the purple mist spewed fairy air. The basement where I rented for 500 yuan a month was filled with sewage and cockroaches. I cried even louder.

Unexpectedly, I never expected that I had worked hard for tens of thousands of years to achieve the status of an immortal, and now I was like a bereaved dog. If I had known what kind of immortality I had cultivated in the first place, if I had been reincarnated earlier, I might have become the grandson of my great-great-great-grandson. , I can still find a wife and live a stable life.

In today's society, let alone a wife, you don't even know where to find a young lady. The most damn sad thing is that even if you know the place, you can't afford it with your monthly salary of three melons and two dates.

Fate, so fucking ridiculous.

"Why are you howling in the middle of the night? It's mourning. Hurry up and go to bed." From next door came the sound of a man knocking on the wall "dong", "dong", "dong" and a woman's low gasping and moaning.

"You are making a ghost baby here in the middle of the night. I will help you two to help the atmosphere. I hope you will die sooner or later." Lin Yi also yelled back. I am a god and I can still stand your anger.

As if hearing Lin Yi's yelling, the neighbor deliberately increased his movements, the bed board creaked, and the woman's voice became louder. Lin Yi silently blocked his ears, hoping to calm down the yang energy rolling in his belly.

"No matter what, she is just a mortal woman, but my wife is the princess of the fairy world, the daughter of the Jade Emperor, a veritable little fairy. I envy you so much." Lin Yi comforted himself sourly as he listened to the noise coming from next door.

But Lin Yi seemed to suddenly think of something, and there was a hint of melancholy in his eyes.