I Am In Love with Myself

Jian Yixi had a dream, a dream that was so charming that she was too embarrassed to open her teeth. She was so obsessed with the dream that she couldn't get out of it, and even the piercing in her stomach didn't seem to hurt anymore.

It was in the middle of the night when she woke up, she opened her eyes in a daze, feeling a little cold under her body, who was helping her wipe her body.

The ward was dark, the curtains were pulled, the bed curtains were also pulled, no lights were turned on, only the corridor lights dimmed in through the glass on the door.

Even though it was so dim, it was so dark that it could only vaguely outline the outline of the person who was helping her, Jian Yixi still recognized her as An Mu at a glance.

An Mu... how could he be here?

Doesn't she hate her?

Didn't she know that she was going to die and still be indifferent, and even slap her in the face?

Doesn't she hate her anymore?

No, no, how could she not hate it? If she didn't hate it, she wouldn't send messages like that, saying that she had a great time without her.

This must be a dream.

The stomach that was so painful and unbearable before, now I don’t feel anymore, and it’s even warm and comfortable. If it’s not a dream, it can’t be like this.

But if it is really a dream, why is the feeling of being wiped so obvious? Even the sound of An Mu's breathing is so clear as to be able to reach it by reaching out?

An Mu wiped it clean, helped her put on her pants and covered the quilt, and went out with a basin of water. The light and shadow swayed on An Mu's face. The red lips with long eyelashes and thin eyebrows were like gorgeous fireworks, in an instant It bloomed and dissipated as the curtain fell.

An Mu's figure disappeared behind the curtain, leaving only the faint footsteps and the sound of the bathroom door opening.

Is this...Is it a dream or reality?

The distant memory overlaps with reality, in a trance like returning to the year, Jian Yixi wakes up from a serious illness, and Zhuang Zhou is confused like a dream.

Is she now in the hospital in a car accident six years ago, and she has a dream of getting admitted to Tsinghua University and falling in love with An Mu and having a stomach perforation? Or was it six years later that you had a stomach perforation in the hospital and dreamed of being hospitalized with a fracture and being taken care of by An Mu?

Jian Yixi didn't know what to tell, and didn't have time to think about it anymore. An Mu came back from the curtain, gently put the basin under the bed, and then lifted off the quilt, and lay down next to her.

In the dimness, Jian Yixi blinked, An Mu's warm nose sprayed on her neck, her forehead scratched and itchy on her cheeks.

This...is not like a dream, so now is it six years ago? Is she still fractured?

Jian Yixi fumbled and pressed her own chest, as if... it hurts a bit, but she pressed it hard again, it really hurts.

All... Is this really six years ago?

It should be, otherwise, how could An Mu help her wipe the area and lay beside her on the initiative.

Jian Yixi felt that she should be embarrassed and ashamed, just as she remembered, but she was dumbfounded, and she was really not ashamed at all, and she was even... very happy.

Why is this happening? Just because she had a dream of falling in love with An Mu, then she really fell in love?

Or, she originally loved An Mu, but she never found out that the dream opened her heart, so she accepted it logically?

Jian Yixi was thinking wildly, the hand on her chest was held down, An Mu suddenly propped up half of her body and looked down at her.

"Still hurting?"

An Mu's voice was very soft, and it was obviously not as if she was talking to her, but as if she was talking to herself.

Jian Yixi was about to say that she was not in pain, but An Mu rolled over and got out of the bed and went out lightly. In the dead of night, the voice of An Mu walking to the nurse's station and asking questions clearly passed into Jian Yixi's ears.

"Excuse me, how long does the painkiller take effect?"

"Usually it works in half an hour. If it's fast, it takes ten minutes. Of course, there are some slow and it doesn't stop pain. This is based on personal physique."

An Mu didn't ask any more, but returned slowly, and was slapped to bed again, lying next to her.

Jian Yixi took a deep breath, and just about to say, "I don't hurt you, don't worry", when there was a sudden cold on the side of the waist, An Mu's hand came up.

Jian Yixi was stunned, and her head, which had just woken up a little bit, was muddy again.

——This...what the **** is going on here? What is An Mu doing?

The question of "What is An Mu doing" was quickly answered. Jian Yixi felt An Mu's cold hands in disbelief, and did not return to her senses for a long time. She fell into "this is a dream" or "not a dream" again. Infinite loop.

No, it's not a dream, it feels too real, it can't be a dream!

Jian Yixi grabbed An Mu's hand, breathing hard, with strong hands, but her voice was as soft as a sheep.

"You, what are you doing?"

"I like you."

An Mu's voice was as flat as water, and she couldn't hear the ups and downs of emotions, but it seemed as if a storm slammed into Jian Yixi's heart.

"What...what?"

In the dimness, An Mu sighed, took out the hand held tightly by her, raised it, and turned on the small bedside lamp.

The warm white light was faintly scattered on An Mu's face, and the familiar amber eyes looked at her seriously.

Jian Yixi sat up and stared straight ahead. It took him a long time to get out of the bed without answering An Mu, and went straight to the bathroom.

She washed her face with a splash, and the cold water made Jian Yixi's mind so sober.

She was holding the sink in front of the mirror, her thin arms stretched straight, and the pale face in the mirror was almost the same as six years ago, but the dazzling sign of the Third Affiliated Hospital on the hospital gown was definitely not where she lived six years ago. Weicheng Hospital.

Jian Yixi drew off the towel to dry the water drops on her face, and pressed her ribs. It hurts, but this is not a special case. As long as she pressed hard, it hurts everyone. It's ridiculous that she actually thought she had done a test just now The dream of Tsinghua University.

Jian Yixi tried to curl her lips in the mirror. She had scattered black hair and a bloodless face. She looked like a silly person, unlike a normal person.

No, it's not like, she is a fool!

She actually believed An Mu's nonsense for a moment!

An Mu likes her? Don't laugh so hard.

How many times did she test An Mu with all means? How many times have you asked An Mu again? But where An Mu had a little bit different feelings for her, she would not embark on the path of today.

An Mu doesn’t like her. Even if he likes it, it’s just friendship. An Mu will say that, she must know the truth, sympathize with her, pity her, or feel guilty, plus the effect of the former affection, this will aggravate herself. Said "like".

She didn't need her to do this. If she really wanted to do this, she would have compromised at the door of the Civil Affairs Bureau. Why wait until today?

Jian Yixi admitted that she was not a great person. She chose to die silently by herself, not just for An Mu. She admitted that she really didn't want An Mu to die, but this was not the main reason why she was seeking her own death. .

She had also impulsively wanted to tell An Mu everything and forced An Mu to stay with herself. In fact, she didn't care if An Mu loves herself or not. As long as she can be together, it is enough. Too much hope will only make her painful and life will be short. In just a few decades, why make yourself unhappy?

But she didn't have a showdown in the end, because she understood that there were some things that she couldn't care about.

An Mu yearns for a free life. This freedom does not simply refer to behavior, but the most important thing is consciousness.

An Mu, who is forced to bind herself to herself, is not free. Not being free means unhappiness. She can ignore An Mu's unhappiness for one day, two days, or even three or five years. Can she ignore her for a lifetime? ?

She doesn't care if An Mu doesn't love herself, or she can spend the rest of her life around An Mu and live herself into a true love mind, but she can't face the unhappy An Mu for the rest of her life.

If you are destined to spend the second half of your life in pain, why not choose to end early?

In this way, not only her pain time has been shortened, but An Mu will also be able to ease the rest of her life.

So, she is really not a great person. She is just escaping from the life she doesn’t want to face, shortening her pain, and sacrificing herself to keep her safe. She is intoxicated, as if she is really moved. .

Jian Yixi closed his eyes, no matter how clear and sensible in his mind, the temperature of An Mu's fingers still remained in his body.

Forget it, forget it quickly! You can be confused at any time, absolutely not at this time!

Jian Yixi pushed out the door and walked to An Mu with a blank face. An Mu had already sat up, leaning on the bedside and looking at her, her ice-white face was still beautiful, and her long honey-tan hair seemed to be plated under the light. After Yin Frost, it looks fascinating no matter how you look at it.

Jian Yixi controlled herself to look at her less. In the past six months, she didn't know how many times she had sneaked to see An Mu. Why did she feel that she hadn't seen her for a long time?

Jian Yixi sat on the bed, her gaze hard and firm, not looking at An Mu's forehead, she didn't dare to look at An Mu's eyes, she didn't have the courage to look at her.

Fortunately, the difference between her forehead and eyes was not too far. At first glance, it seemed that she was really looking at An Mu.

"That school girl is a member of the supernatural society, and she is always talking about her. Did you listen to her nonsense?"

"Who? You said Gu Shuofeng?"

"I haven't looked for her yet. You suddenly fainted and frightened us. We took you to the hospital first. After that, you stayed in a coma, so I told my second brother Maomao to go back first, and they would go back to her tomorrow. "

"Haven't found her yet?"

Jian Yixi was startled, she never doubted An Mu's words, she believed whatever An Mu said.

"Then why... why..."

Jian Yixi suddenly couldn't speak, but fortunately An Mu answered.

"I like you, it's true. It's a good statement. I only know I miss it after I'm separated, and I don't understand Acacia until a long time ago. After more than half a year of separation, I finally understand my feelings."

Jian Yixi has long eyelashes like a fan, a faint shadow on his face, and whispered: "But you stayed in France for five years, and I didn't see you want to understand..."

"That's because we keep in touch every day, and I feel that you have been by my side all the time, so I got used to it. We have suddenly stopped contacting for more than half a year, and I found out that I can't do without you."

"But you just sent a text message before, saying that I'm so good without you..."

An Mu paused with half-opened red lips, her eyebrows were slightly raised, her half-contracted beautiful eyes fainted with thin light, she stared at Jian Yixi in a panic, but she was still looking at An Mu's...forehead. Use actions to show that he doesn't believe An Mu's nonsense.

An Mu's red lips finally closed, and there was only one light fluttering sentence: "So you received it."

Why do you listen to this... a bit wrong?

Jian Yixi reacted suddenly, forgetting her pretending to be ruthless, and subconsciously explained: "I didn't mean to not return to you, I just..."

——I just saw that you said that I was not as good as I was and felt uncomfortable. Besides, I read a sentence and you withdrew it. If you want to come, you don’t want me to reply, so I didn’t reply.

"Okay, no need to explain, I know, I give you time, you think about it, I know you will not wait for me in place, if you really don't like me, I will never force you."

Having said that, An Mu simply pulled off the quilt and got out of bed. He picked up his woolen coat and walked to the sofa in the corner to lie down, with the woolen coat covering him.

"good night."

Jane Yixi lifted the curtain and looked at An Mu, who was sleeping with his eyes closed. The stardust-carrying eyes flickered for several times, just...it was a little fascinating.

——What's the situation? Didn’t you say you like her? Even like to the point of doing her hands, just leave as you say? Are you not all acting?

——How does she feel...An Mu seems to be angry?

Jian Yixi thought about it for a long time, but couldn't remember what words she had offended An Mu.

——What did she say wrong?

The author has something to say: I really want to break my head but I don’t understand it!

I can grit my teeth for 20,000 a day, why am I still late every day on the third day? !

why? ! why? ! ! !