I will not die!

die.

If there were no accidents, it would still be a very distant thing to me now, but I have never been unfamiliar with it. Maybe it’s because I often want to kill people and pictures of myself being killed always pop up in my mind.. Being suddenly stabbed from behind, being knocked away by a speeding vehicle, and being smashed into pulp by meteorites falling from the sky. Compared with dying peacefully and without any disturbance, I still prefer these ways of death.

My mother always said that we should believe in God. Those who believe in God will go to Wuwu Heaven after death and obtain eternal life with God. But isn’t eternal life a kind of death? If everything never changes, then isn’t it death? Only dead things never change.

Change is death.

Work until death, play until death, control until death, risk until death. Although the feelings are different, the purpose is the same, and the pursuit remains unchanged.

From this point of view, most people in this world are not pursuing how to live, but how to die.

No.

The process of pursuing the same is itself constantly changing.

How to die is how to liveHow you live is how you want to die.

What about me, how do I want to live and how do I want to die?

What am I pursuing unchanged, and what do I want to change? god.

God is omnipotent, so what is He pursuing and what He wants to change.

How He lived, and how He died.

What if I were God.

How can I die?

……

After my mother died, I went back for the first time.

I crossed the threshold, walked into the mourning hall, and walked straight to the coffin where my mother's body was stored. In front of my mother's portrait, I kowtowed three times and bowed three times. My father, who was standing beside me, hunched over and opened the skylight of the coffin for me.

After death, a person is nothing but a pile of rotten meat exuding a foul smell. This will be the case for both my mother and me. My sense of smell first told me this. Then, after death, all contact with the world ceases. No matter how noisy the surrounding environment is, it no longer has the slightest relevance to me. My vision tells me this.

When a person dies, he dies, and there is nothing else. The sorrow and pain of the living have nothing to do with me. Although I am a living person, I am no different from the dead. I am not a qualified son. The connection of blood is not reflected in me. I will not regret my past. What he did was never done before and will never happen again.

Inexplicably, I said something very awkward

"I'm back."

Many people came to my mother's funeral, but I didn't know most of them. There were relatives, neighbors, and some people I didn't know. If I hadn't taken the initiative to reveal my identity, most of them probably wouldn't have known me at all. , this is helpless, who made me not come back for several years? Even when I was still at home, I hardly interacted with them. Although no one said it in front of me, they should secretly They all criticized me a lot. But it didn’t matter, as long as they were happy.

The whole process of the funeral followed the process, and there was no interlude in the middle. Everything was as bland as the old documentaries, which mechanically summarized everything. Let’s talk about it.

In the past two years, my mother has obviously called me less often, and the content of her conversations has also become much less. Does she feel that she can no longer control me, or is she finally tired of it? Maybe she doesn’t have it at all. Thought about controlling me, she just stupidly thought that would be good for me, and then moved herself and waited for me to take the initiative to give her something in return. Or maybe she didn't want anything in return, she just blindly repeated what happened to herself. She made a mistake unconsciously, but unfortunately, I am not her. I have been giving money to my family regularly over the years. However, my parents, like me, are people who don’t spend much money. I think the money has almost never been touched until now. Well. Although the number is not large, it should be enough for the funeral. After all, there are subsidies and death insurance, which I learned about before coming back.

During the few days when the funeral was held, among the people present, except for my father, Only one person showed a sad expression. I know her. She was the one who dragged my mother into her obsession with God. In my impression, their relationship has always been very good, and they can almost be called sisters. , but my impression of her is relatively average, because during the time when I also believed in God, she always blamed all the misfortunes that happened to me on my lack of piety.

But what does it mean to be pious? Does taking out the heart count? Does digging out someone else's heart count? If it counts, those who do this must have achieved their goal. If it doesn't count, then how does it count? Does it mean that one person's heart is not enough? How much does it cost? How much is enough, and how much is piety? If there is no fixed answer to this question, then why should we give a set result. As long as we are pious, everything will be solved?

Ridiculous.

This is what a teacher whose name I can’t remember told me. Mine. I was still in elementary school at that time, and I hoped all day long that God would fulfill many of my unrealistic wishes, make me rich, prevent me from getting sick, give me super powers, and make my family healthy. I am safe and sound. I often feel that I am different because of this, and I am secretly happy about it.

I also had a classmate who played better at that time. I have forgotten his name now, but I vaguely remember that I seemed to call him A Peng.. We often chase and fight together. Maybe it’s my vanity, or maybe I want to share this gift with him. I confided my secret to him under the guise of an accident.

"I want to enter the Heaven of Nothingness. If we believe in God together, we can enter the Heaven of Nothingness together."

"What is Wuwangtian?"

"At the beginning of the birth of the world, God was born from chaos. Then he couldn't bear to see the world in silence, so he cut off a corner from the chaos, and then divided this corner into seven parts, namely the First Blade Heaven, the Lost Heaven, and the Immovable Heaven. , Unreleased Heaven, Mahakala Heaven, Isuzu Heaven, Wuwutian, we are now in Izuho Heaven, only one step away from Wuwutian, God is in Wuwutian, where all the beauty in the world is, and we will be there with God Share eternal prosperity"

"How to enter Wuwutian?"

"Be pious, and as long as we have faith that God will take us there, we can go. Not only that, as long as we firmly believe that God will help us escape from suffering, God will help us escape from suffering. As long as we are pious"

"What does it mean to be pious?"

"As long as you pray in your heart every day, God will discern it after hearing it."

Gradually, A Peng was successfully persuaded by me. We discussed everything about God all day long at school. It seemed that entering the Wuwu Heaven was an established fact. But starting from one day, he suddenly became cold towards me. , even if I came to play with him, he looked like he didn’t want to talk to me. I asked him what was wrong, but he didn’t say anything. It went like this for several days. I felt very angry, so I went to a corridor after school where we were alone. They grabbed him by force and asked him what was wrong.

He told me embarrassedly that he told his mother about God, but his mother told him that there is only one true God in the world and the others are all false gods. I The one you believe in is fake, and the one you believe in is the real thing. The real god will not lead people to enjoy happiness, because being a human being is itself a blessing. Compared with those unenlightened beasts, there is no way to know how many people can be born as a human being. Lucky. What we have to do is not to believe in God and enjoy blessings, but to believe in God and be a human being. Only by being a good person in this life can we continue to be a human being in the next life. Otherwise, we can only be animals that are cooked and slaughtered.

His mother also said that these things are originally I planned to tell him later, because it is difficult for a child to have a pious heart, but since he has been disturbed by false gods, I can only tell him first. At the same time, his mother also warned him to let him Don’t interact with me in the future.

At that time, I was stunned as if I had been struck by a bolt from the blue. I never thought that there were other gods in the world, because my mother also told me that there is only one god in the world, so the fake one must be Ah That's the one my friend believed. How do you know what you believe is true?

Why do you think what you believe is true!

I was very angry and refuted what he said loudly. He was also very angry and refuted equally loudly. mine

"You said He would help you get rid of suffering, but what did He help you get rid of!"

"You say He can allow you to continue to be a human being in your next life, how can you be sure!"

"Then how can you be sure that Wuwutian exists!"

"You are lucky as a person. There are many people in this world who live a life worse than death every day!"

"What kind of Wuwutian does not exist at all!"

None of us could convince anyone, so we started to argue with each other, and when the argument became fierce, we even started to fight. At this time, the math teacher in the class appeared and stopped our fight. The teacher When he asked us why we were fighting, we told him the truth, and he laughed loudly and said firmly:"There is no God in this world. The so-called gods are nothing more than universal words made up by the ruling class in the past to facilitate their rule, educate the people, and explain nature. It is used by adults to deceive children, in order to make you be obedient. If you disobey, God will punish you. If you are obedient, God will reward you. Isn't this what adults want you to do?"

"Belief in God always requires people to be pious in their hearts, but what does it mean to be pious? Are those who voluntarily sacrifice their lives for God considered pious? Then they have sacrificed their lives. What suffering can God save them from? Is it true that living is Is it the greatest suffering? It may be true for some people, but for most people, living is obviously a very happy thing. If even sacrificing one's life is not considered pious, then what does it count? Would it be pious to have more people believe in God? How many people should believe in God to be pious? All mankind. But in this case, wouldn’t there be only one truly pious person? A god who claims to be fraternal. Was he so selfish? If there is no fixed answer to this question, why give a set result?"

"Although modern society does not exclude some people from believing in God, I would say that those who still believe in God are a bit stupid."

We were speechless by the teacher's words. I still wanted to defend myself, but when faced with adults, especially those who taught us knowledge, my previous arrogance and self-confidence immediately disappeared.

Seeing that we all Without saying anything, maybe because he felt that his image suddenly became taller, the teacher continued happily:"What gods and ghosts, those are all false, no matter how much you beg them, they will not help you. In this world, only one thing is true. What we do is authentic. Only by studying hard can it be real! God may fail us because we are not pious enough, but learning will not. As long as knowledge is learned, no matter whether it is used or not, it will become a part of our growth and generate residual heat in our future days. As long as we study hard, If we are willing to learn, we can still realize our ideals and ambitions even without relying on unrealistic things."

The dim sunset filled the corners of my eyes with tears with its last afterglow. All my innocence, all my pride, and all my past were packed and thrown into it. As the light became brighter and brighter, my body could no longer bear it. Its weight.

Snap.

The boundless darkness swallowed up the teardrop that carried all my tears. I felt that my body became very light, so light that just a little breeze could lift me up and float to the empty place. The end of the sky.

Everyone says that they are real and others are fake. Liars are all liars!

Everyone is a liar!

How disgusting.

In the days that followed, I never said a word to my former playmate again. I have never had a second friend with whom I can chase and fight with each other.

My last prayer was that God would burn this world to ashes, but I found that even if it didn’t burn, my world would already be ashes.

People today are addicted to pleasure, and fewer and fewer people still believe in God. Although they will not disappear, it will be difficult to regain the glory of the past. I actually don’t hate God, because since my mother believed in God, she Her temper has indeed gradually improved. Although I’m not sure whether this is God’s work or whether she finally accepted the fact that she is old, I am willing to regard this as God’s credit. It cannot be mine anyway. But let me From this I believe in God, so that’s not necessary. In the final analysis, whether God exists or not is another matter, and whether or not God exists after death is another matter. Let’s just talk about Wuwutian. If I don’t want to enter Wuwutian at all, then what should I do if I believe in God?.As for protecting good health and avoiding disasters, most people have enough luck.

So God or whatever, it doesn’t matter at all.