I will not die!

Everyone probably has at least two views on people they know well. For example, in the eyes of my mother, I can be divided into two sides: obedient and disobedient. In the eyes of my father, what do I look like? Woolen cloth? He always spoke little.

I have no idea.

When I saw my father again, he looked much older than the last time we met. He didn't look like he was in his seventies, but more like he was in his nineties. It's hard to imagine how a person could become so different in such a short period of time. Such a big change. I even began to question whether there was something wrong with my memory or cognition. Maybe he was so old, or maybe such a big change would happen after death, but I didn't realize it before.

In short, he is indeed dead.

According to the death certificate, he fell down at home, and after getting up, he kept lying on the sofa. He neither went to the hospital nor called, and he just lay there slowly and died. Then the ECG watch automatically sent a signal, and only then did people know about it.

The hometown where Alley and I returned together had a very deserted funeral. There were only the people from the funeral home and us in the whole funeral. Because I had already lost contact with those relatives, I simply didn’t contact any of them. Anyway, calling him over would only result in a blank look, and as far as I know, no one who still maintains contact with my father usually does so.

Although the people at the funeral home were a little surprised to see the deserted scene, they didn't say much. After all, so many people died these days and not even one came.

The funeral ended very quietly. Just like the countless ordinary daily routines I had in the past, they ended quietly, and it was only when you noticed that you realized that it had passed.

Then everything calmed down again.

But it seemed that the calm was too much.

In the days after my father passed away, I often fell into long periods of absentmindedness. Sometimes I even had to be reminded several times by Alley before I could react. In addition, my insomnia became more frequent, and I only had two or three hours of sleep every day. Because I couldn't sleep well, I seemed to have no energy during the day, and I had no appetite for meals.

Very strange.

Obviously I wasn't very sad, I didn't even feel much regret.

One night, I couldn't sleep and was listening to a book with headphones on. Alley suddenly whispered beside me:"How about we buy some sleep aids."

I was silent for two seconds and answered. Said:"I have tried, but if I take the medicine, I will wake up very early, and the effect is not very satisfactory. If I want to sleep for a long time, I have to use a large dose. The doctor does not recommend that I do that."

"oh……"She responded thoughtfully,"Then how about exercising a lot during the day and making yourself very tired?""

"I've tried it, and after training my abdominal muscles, I never fell asleep from exhaustion."

"Hey, have you ever had abs?"

"There was, but now it's gone."If you tighten your abdomen, you can still see it.

"Oh...then, what about ASMR?"

"Useless. It's better to listen to a book, and you can still learn something, but it's a bit troublesome to find what you heard again the next day."

"oh……"

After all, I have been suffering from insomnia for many years, and I have basically thought of and practiced all the solutions she could think of. Because there is really no particularly good solution, I just let it go.

Alley and I fell into a long silence together. After an unknown amount of time, I heard her even breathing. Listening to this breathing, I felt inexplicably relaxed. Maybe my insomnia tonight wouldn't last that long.

Some days later, in the early morning, the sun was shining brightly. Alley and I were eating a simple breakfast. No one said anything in the middle of it. No one even paid attention to it when it came running down the tree. After breakfast, Alley suddenly said to me :"How about we go to the hospital?"

"Are you feeling uncomfortable somewhere?

She smiled bitterly and said,"It's not me, it's you.""

"I... didn't feel uncomfortable there"

"However, you don't look comfortable anywhere. She suddenly said impatiently,"Have you ever taken a good look at your current appearance? If you looked like a vampire before, you look like a zombie now.""

"Let's go together, okay?"She almost begged.

I paused for two seconds and replied:"Okay."After all, it's not a big deal.

She smiled happily, and suddenly hugged me. I wanted to hug her, but my brain couldn't help but think about why she was so happy, thinking about it. , my hand stopped in mid-air.

I couldn’t think of anything

……

After going to the hospital.

Maybe I was pretending too well, or maybe there was nothing wrong with me. At least the doctor said that all my physical indicators were within acceptable limits, except that I was a little anemic. To be on the safe side, he still prescribed some medicines for me, including mental ones, mainly for conditioning, and told me to pay more attention to rest.

"The doctor said you're fine, that's great"

"Originally, I thought it was nothing."

"It's early to come over now, maybe something will happen if you delay!"

"Um……"

I want to refute. I have encountered similar situations more than once or twice. Each time I got better after a while, but in the end I still didn’t say anything.

"The doctor also recommends that you keep a diary. Write down all the happiness and unhappiness in your daily life. You can write it, right?"

"Yes"

"I'll write with you"

"Why. She looked at me speechlessly and said:"Because you are always very slow. Whether it is happy or unhappy things, many times you may have felt it, but you did not notice it.""

"Yeah"

"yes! Sometimes I wonder if you are a koala. For example, last time, when I got off the tree and made a mess at home, you ended up cleaning it before you said this.……"

"What a mess. She imitated my tone of voice and said,"I thought for a long time before I figured out what you meant!""

Seeing her pretending to be angry and speaking quickly, I felt inexplicably funny.

"Ah, you laughed"

"Have it"

"I said something, but I laughed but didn't know I was laughing. If you are not a dull koala, you have to shake your head! Therefore, I want to record what I see about you, and then compare it to see if you have missed anything."

"……"

"Laughing again!"

"you laughed too"

"I'm laughing at you"

"Me too."

We looked at each other without words, just like two adjacent leaves on a tree. Even if we were discovered by others, we would not attract the slightest attention from others, because we are so ordinary and rare.

After that, Alley and I came We arrived at a cafeteria and said it was to celebrate that I had nothing to do so I wanted to have a good meal.

"By the way, our company seems to be planning to upgrade AI recently, which should make your future work easier."She picked up a piece of cake and stuffed it into her mouth, her mouth bulging like a hamster.

"I guess so"

"It will be great when we can also use large-scale AI, so that a lot of basic troublesome work can be saved."

"That kind of AI is generally mainly used for monitoring. Like smart cameras, it is just a matter of fixing bugs and changing data. If you just want the AI ​​to complete some basic functions on its own, there are actually some auxiliary AIs that can be used. Although It's a little behind in terms of capabilities and can't do real-time, but it's enough."

"It shouldn't be cheap. If it were cheap, we would have already used it."

"Well, and the effect is actually not particularly good."

"Ah, work, work... I will talk about it if I'm not careful."

"Because work is life"

"But life isn't all work. At least there are still things to eat, sleep, rub, get off, and tree."

After eating and drinking, we set off on the way home together, just like we usually go home after work. I don't know when it started. I have become accustomed to it, just like when I was used to being alone.

If When Alley leaves me one day, will I get used to being alone as usual?

Probably so. My adaptability is so strong that even I find it incredible. So although I am always sick, I rarely change because of illness. What.

I hate myself for being so adaptable.

Maybe God heard the complaints in my heart. Unexpectedly, I was sick for a long time this time. Even though I followed the doctor's instructions and took good medicine, my condition But it didn't get better at all, and it even got worse.

But was I really sick?

I went to the hospital several more times, and the doctor prescribed more medicine for me. Alley also took more careful care of me. But it's still useless, nothing. Everything is normal, but my body just won't obey. I suddenly thought of my father's last appearance. It seemed that I had become like him, dozens of years older all of a sudden. Years old.

Old...

Yes, I am old.

After all, I am not a vampire or an alien. I am just an ordinary person who can be seen everywhere. It is natural that I will grow old. I am not sick, but old. Of course, when you get older, you will have a lot more problems.

Once I figured out the reason, I immediately felt a lot better, but soon, my body quickly collapsed like a deflated rubber ball. Muscles and my bones seemed to have turned into liquid in an instant, and an unprecedented fatigue pressed down on me like a mountain. So tired.

Although I didn’t do anything, I just felt so tired.

The doctor once said that there is no reason for this. Feeling tired is an important sign of declining mood...

But I am already old. Of course I will feel tired when I am old. Is being in my forties considered old? It seems to count but it doesn't seem to count. My hair has only turned white. A small part, in terms of appearance, I don’t seem to be old yet. As for my mental age, only one person has mentioned it. Alley, she said that I look like a child...

Am I not considered old? Then why am I I feel so tired. I have always been fine before. In the past few decades, no matter how busy I was at work or how sleepless I was at night, I never felt tired. Why do I suddenly feel tired now? Except because I am old. Is there any other explanation?

I’m so tired, so tired that I don’t even have the energy to think about this...

But Alley is still with me. I need to cook for her, play games with her, and watch animations with her. Play with the cat with her, and do many things with her that I have never done before. I still can't be tired...

She has been taking care of me with all her heart, trying to make me happy, and hoping that I will get better soon , I can't let all her efforts and expectations go to waste, but I am really tired. Just moving my arms makes me so tired that tears almost come out...