If I don't have money to go to college, I can only go to slay the dragon.

After that day, I didn't go to see Li Muyue for a long time. Just like my uncle told me twice, it was time to wake up after being drunk for so long.

After I got home, I told Qian Man, who was eager to share with me her new findings about Mu Yue's condition, that Mu Yue no longer needed me to treat her. She had a new attending doctor and that I, a half-hearted person, had been fired. .

I swear I spoke in a calm tone, even a little joking, trying to be as light-hearted as possible. But I don’t know why, but there was no relief in Zian Man’s expression, only strong worry. She hid it very deeply, but she couldn’t hide anything in front of me.

She said thank you for the hard work and let me rest for a while and she would take care of the aftermath for me.

I went back to the library, and my life of three o'clock and one line returned to two o'clock and one line, except that I no longer passed the courtyard and the sweet-scented osmanthus tree that had been shut down.

The days when I returned to the library to guard the door were very leisurely. Once I was freed from the busy schedule that I had been busy with, I found that I had never been so leisurely. Maybe it was true, but it can also be traced back to my childhood. I was sitting in the library. The days when I was copying books.

Today is similar to that day. I warm a cup of hot tea, light a pot of agarwood chips, and put a plate of snowflake cakes from Daohua Village next to me. I hide in the sunlight that falls through the window and take a nap with my eyes closed. The library is so quiet that I can hear the autumn sounds in the yard. The leaves fell into the pool, sank and floated into the mud at the bottom of the pool, and became silent. It was not dead silence. There were people rustling outside the yard, and when I fell asleep on the chair, I could hear the sound of cotton wool squeezing in the pillow.

In my dream, I dreamed of her. She was walking among the crowd. In the chaos, I stopped her and wanted to have a word with her.

When I woke up, it was already evening. There were partridges crowing outside the yard, and the lanterns hanging in the library were all illuminated by the shadows of parting sadness.

I poured out the herbal tea, locked the library door, and walked home. He didn't think much about anything, and his mood was incredibly peaceful.

Zian Man is very good, she is better than any woman. Every time she comes home from the library, she has already prepared a meal and is waiting for me to come back. Logically speaking, the work in the library is the most leisurely and leisurely. Compared with the busy and tiring environment of the Pharmacy Department, At the end of the day, I should be the one cooking at home and waiting for my significant other to come back. In fact, I tried to do this, but she seemed very unhappy, so I followed her.

One time I asked her why she was always rushing to do these things. She was obviously the most tired person. She said that her body was not as tired as her heart. She could see that I was tired all the time, so she wanted to share the load for me, and if she couldn't, then whatever she could do was what she should do.

After a period of time like this, I got the bad news that the uncle who had been taking care of me was critically ill.

It was Xian Man who got the news first, not me. When the news was released, it was only circulated within the Zhao family. My uncle is the ancestor of the Zhao family's children. I don't know how old my uncle is today, but The title Liezu generally has two meanings, one is the ancestor who established the merits, and the other is the title for the two generations above the great ancestor.

My uncle was already very old when I met him. On that day more than twenty years later, my uncle was still the same. Ever since I was a child, I have always had the illusion that my uncle is so old, as if he was born to be a loving elder to me. At the same time, I also know that the sadness of the death of an elder will always stop one day in the near future.

Xian Man knew that my uncle and I had a close relationship, so she told me the news as soon as possible. She and I got up overnight, got dressed, and drove to the Zhao family compound. During my interactions with the Zhao family, as an outsider, I also successfully entered the inner courtyard.

There were many unfamiliar and familiar elders of the Zhao family in the inner courtyard, and I was not surprised to see them. The younger generations of the Zhao family stood in the courtyard sternly or sadly, whispering to each other. This scene reminded me of the time when my brother had an accident. One day, I felt even sadder.

During this period, I found out from the elders of the Zhao family that my uncle was already old and had problems with his body's internal circulation. He was diagnosed with congestive heart failure in his early years, so he was kept in the library to recuperate and not participate in internal affairs. It didn't work. It eventually developed into an advanced stage, and the only solution was a very high-risk heart transplant.

Heart transplantation sounds like science fiction, but in fact there was the first successful case of human heart transplantation as early as 1967. Dr. Barnard in Cape Town, South Africa, successfully performed the world's first human orthotopic heart transplantation, but after the transplantation, the patient He only survived for 18 days due to lung infection. The focus of this type of surgery is on a series of issues such as organ rejection after transplantation and donor and recipient selection criteria. Later, in 1984, cyclosporine began to be widely used in clinical heart transplantation, and heart transplantation technology entered a rapid development stage. stage.

At present, the source of transplant organs has been solved. The problem is who will be the chief surgeon of this operation. Since the uncle is too old and has severe organ failure, the difficulty of heart transplantation has increased to dozens of times in ordinary cases. It was more than twice as much, and the expected survival rate was probably less than 5%. This resulted in no one being sure to perform the surgery, and they all hoped that someone more confident would volunteer, not wanting to ruin Liezu's only chance of survival.

The Zhao family has always been good at medicine. In the courtyard, I was just waiting for someone to announce the appearance of the chief surgeon, but in the end no one came forward until a message came from the inner room of the courtyard. The news was brought out for the uncle. When he was dying, he appointed a person to be the chief surgeon of this operation. This person was not named by name, but needed to meet a condition.

At this moment, in the Zhao family compound, it was he, a descendant of the Zhao family, who recommended him as the surgeon in charge of this operation.

There is no one else but me who is the only collateral descendant in the Zhao family compound.

While everyone was making a fuss, I was at a loss for a while. Finally, with Xian Man's call, I came back to my senses, took a step forward, and said, "The heart transplant has always been mine." Research topic, Yan Man can testify for me that my research in this area is no worse than any other surgeon. I am willing to be the surgeon in charge of this operation."

I knew that there were better surgeons in the Zhao family than me, but the moment I heard my uncle’s oral message, I understood the true meaning of that oral message. Indeed, this operation must be performed by me.

In the end, the head of the Zhao family came forward to make the ruling. As he slowly walked out of the ancestral hall, he just glanced at me in the yard from a distance, listened to the oral message, and finally nodded lightly. Then, naturally, I became the surgeon in charge of my uncle’s heart transplant surgery.

The operation took place that night and lasted for five hours. There were all kinds of accidents and terrible complications, but in the end when I walked out of the operating room, my face was relieved.

The operation was successful and I saved my uncle's life.

The Zhao family made a banner and sent it to the Li family. As a descendant of the Li family, I saved the ancestor of the Zhao family. This matter was spread very loudly in the Orthodox community. I did not show up in public to enjoy the praise and praise. After that operation I returned home and stayed behind closed doors for half a month to sort out what I had learned from practice. On the day when my uncle was well enough to visit, I went to Zhao's house again. I was not blocked by anyone and entered the ward smoothly, and got to be alone with my uncle. Opportunity.

The uncle on the bed was recovering well. When I entered the ward, he looked at me with a smile and asked me to sit next to him.

I thought he would praise me, but I never thought that the first thing he said to me was, "The new heir of 'Yue' has been found. He is a child of the Sima family. The inheritance ceremony of 'Yue' will be held in It will be held at the end of this year.”

I thought I would be shocked, panicked, confused, yelling and asking questions.

But I didn't. At that time, I just sat there with my head lowered and my face expressionless.

When my uncle saw my reaction, he lay quietly on the hospital bed and looked at the ceiling. After a long, long time, he told me, "Xingchu, when people let go, it's often not because they have figured it out on their own initiative, but when things have become impossible." .So if a person wants to find a new love, the old love must die, and death is the pronoun of relief."

I seemed to understand something and looked up at him.

He looked back at me, my face reflected in his cloudy pupils. He patted the back of my hand with his withered old hand and said, "Xingchu, you are very smart, but you just don't work hard."

I felt disappointed for a long time and asked my uncle if it would be easier to refuse at the beginning than to regret in the end.

The uncle smiled and said, you can regret it anytime, but you can do it now. Just try to let go when you walk out of this door.

I listened to my uncle, stood up, turned around and walked towards the door I came from.

I made up my mind to let go and forget when I walked out of this door. Qian Man is still waiting for me at home. I will go back and have a good sleep. I will go to the library tomorrow to read some miscellaneous books, or maybe go to Qixingli to find a job? For example, find a more leisurely job in the pharmacy and go to and from get off work with Yan Man, so that you don't have to blame anyone for cooking. We could chop vegetables together, cook together, and eventually we would have a small quarrel and lose our temper over who washed the dishes. In the end, I apologized to her with saliva on my face, and then went back to the room to give birth to the baby after settling the differences. yes! My parents have been urging me to have a child. It’s time for me to become a father. I don’t know what Xian Man thinks. I can ask her when I go back today.

Who is Li Muyue? Irrelevant. It’s nothing more than one day after work, I heard my colleagues chatting while sorting out files, saying that the new “moon” is handsome and beautiful, and it is shining brightly in Langjuxu. Do you want to take a peek and take some photos as wallpaper when you have time? ? Then I will suddenly realize that the past is in the past.

In fact, if you think about it on the bright side, she will never age in this way. Even though I can't win happiness, I will always love her in my memory, and she will always be beautiful in my memory.

I walked out of the door and left without looking back. My uncle watched me leave on the bed, looking at the ceiling with a faint smile, and my appearance was still reflected in his pupils.

When I got home, Zian Man made my favorite mapo tofu. I was in high spirits that night. While eating, I praised her for her improved skills. She was a little flattered. She seemed to have never seen me so happy. She smiled. Ask me if something good happened. I just told her that I finally made up my mind. After the meal, I took the initiative to wash the dishes, then put the water in and took a bath. After the bath, I did not read a book, but sat on the Qiangong Babu bed that was her dowry with Yan Man.

I held Yan Man's hand and kissed her, and she responded to me. This is what husbands and wives should do, love each other. The rustling sound of the satin-like skin was just like the love we told each other. .

I took her and lay down on the warm and soft red quilt. Her skin was like clean snow in the bright red color. I saw confusion and confusion in her eyes, or maybe I just mistakenly saw that in her pupils. Confused and obsessed myself. In short, she was extremely beautiful, and she was the wife of men's dreams. Countless outstanding men knelt under her skirt and begged her for a kiss. In front of me, she was as shy as a newborn lamb, fresh and clumsy.

I leaned into her ear and asked her softly if she wanted a child.

I thought she would be happy and satisfied when she said yes, but I was wrong. The woman who loved me was silent for a long time. She hugged me tenderly. I could feel her temperature and heartbeat, and naturally I knew that what she said was sincere, childish and bitter.

She said.

"Xingchu, I am willing to have a child with you. But you have to think clearly whether what you really want is sex or love. I can give you the former, but I cannot bring you the latter."

I forget how I answered her that night, and I forget what happened that night.

When I came to my senses, it was already daytime. I got up from the bed without disturbing her rest. I opened the window and saw the rainy courtyard. The sweet-scented osmanthus tree stood there listlessly like an eggplant beaten by frost. The branches that had not been pruned for a long time were hanging outward. , the ground is full of goose-yellow raindrops drifting along the current.

I got dressed, left home, and walked on the road I hadn't walked for a long time in the dim sky. Without street lights, I wouldn't get lost.

The hazy rain in the morning was like silver-gray wet spider silk, weaving into a web in the darkness. The road paved with stone slabs was straight, but I walked very slowly, as if the silk web was sticking to me, and every step was like a It's a lot of effort.

But in the end, I came to the courtyard, opened the door of the courtyard, and walked to the door of the inner courtyard. What I didn't expect was that the osmanthus tree still stopped in place, with its roots supporting the door of the inner courtyard, leaving traces on the ground. There was a clear muddy mark left by rainwater washing away the soil, which extended all the way to the ditch.

I have no way of knowing whether there is anyone inside, and I have no right to shout anyone’s name outside. In addition, shouting loudly so early in the morning can easily disturb the people. The neighbors all need to rest, so I can’t blindly blind myself for my own benefit. Such a good morning.

I knew where I should go. Not far from the courtyard, there was a building that was still under construction. It was not high, but it had more than a dozen floors. There was no construction team busy in the morning, and the man at the security booth slept soundly. , I slipped in easily.

I climbed up to the roof of the construction building. Because it was still under construction, the roof was not capped, so it was completely flat and open with no guardrails or anything like that. I had an unobstructed view. The concrete floor was full of potholes, which prevented my feet from slipping outside.

I walked to the edge with an umbrella and looked towards the direction of the courtyard. I saw the scenery in the inner courtyard. It was the same as the day I left. The courtyard was originally full of flowers, plants and trees because of the disappearance of the sweet-scented osmanthus tree. There was an empty space, and then a bare road. The path continues to the gate of the inner courtyard.

The familiar stone table was placed in the open space in the center of the inner courtyard, but there was only one chair left, and it was empty and unoccupied.

I stood on the roof until daylight came out. In order not to be taken into the police station by the construction team as a fool who was about to jump off the building, I wisely left before anyone came and went back to the library in the big courtyard to do the same thing I had done before. After get off work, when the construction team finished work, I climbed up to the dozen or so floors again, sat on the edge and looked at the empty stone tables in the yard, and didn’t go home until nightfall.

Days like this lasted for a long time. Most of the time, there was no one in the yard when I climbed to the top of the building. But a few times, I could see that familiar figure sitting at the stone table without drinking. He didn't have any snacks during the tea, he just sat there, dressed in black robes, straddling the great sword that had cut off the osmanthus tree.

She often sits alone in the yard, occasionally in a daze, and occasionally lies on the table to take a nap. Occasionally, I would make tea by myself. I sat on a tall building a hundred meters away and watched her. I held an umbrella when it rained and brought a box of snowflake cakes with me when it was sunny. But when I got home, I couldn’t eat much of the box of snowflake cakes. In the end, they were all cheap. Those naughty children in the yard.

Sitting on the roof, I have a wide field of vision, but my vision is limited and I can't see her appearance clearly, and I have no way of knowing whether her body is better or worse than before. In fact, I thought about taking a look with a telescope, but the appearance was still too weird, so I gave up and looked at the outline and shadow.

I always thought she was as powerful as her. In fact, she already knew my existence when I "looked" at her for the first time, but even so, she never raised her head. That was not a signal of rejection, so I never called her name before going to the yard.

When the sun is shining, I will be in a good mood and wonder if she encountered anything good today. When the weather is hazy, I am inevitably in a gloomy mood with an umbrella slanted on my shoulder, and I wonder if she is as sad as me. I don’t know when such days will end. If I can, I can live like this forever. I think she may think so too. But if we all think this way, why are we still one in the sky and the other in the sky? At the bottom of the abyss. It was a puzzle, and I thought if I could solve it, I would have an answer that would solve all my problems so far.

But I'm afraid I won't be able to wait for the day when I get the answer - because the construction team is not for free work, I found that I underestimated the capabilities of New China's strong infrastructure. Before I could solve the puzzle, I got Notice that the construction building is almost finished! After that, the door is locked and sold to each resident, and the rooftop becomes a private property with padlocks. Only residents can have the key to the rooftop.

On the last afternoon, I climbed to the top of the building. As I climbed the stairs, I expected that there would still be people sitting there in the yard, but my hope was always met with disappointment. When I climbed to the top of the building and looked there, Nothing was seen.

It was dark, there was no one in the yard, it was empty.

I stood on the roof of the building for a long time. After my legs were numb, I sat down. I placed the snowflake cake beside me without opening it. I just stared blankly at the stone chairs in the open space in the yard, wondering if someone would suddenly Appeared in sight, but until the street lights came on, I didn't wait for the person I wanted to wait for.

That night when I went home, I had another dream. In my dream, I dreamed of her. She was walking among the crowd. In the chaos, I stopped her and wanted to have a word with her.

After waking up from the dream, I felt my eyes were a little swollen.

The people brought by the crowd will eventually be taken away by the crowd. I know this truth.

When I went to the building again, the door to the rooftop was locked.

After that, I went to that building several times. It wasn’t until the man at the security booth looked at me like a thief and touched the phone with his hand that I gave up the idea of ​​continuing to do useless work.