Incurable Pain

Bai Xunyin took a full half month of leave to go home for the funeral. After a long five-hour flight, he stepped on Lin Lan's land and saw only Bai Hongsheng's tombstone.

Standing in the cemetery of Nanbu Bay, a lonely tombstone.

There are photos of Bai Hongsheng when she was young, with a sloppy eyebrow and a delicate and handsome appearance. When she was a child, many people saw Bai Xunyin and said that she looked like a father.

The photos posted on the tombstone are usually the most memorable moments in his life chosen by close family members. Bai Xunyin could see that this was the moment when Bai Hongsheng and Ji Huiying were just married, and he was just 27 or 18 years old.

It's okay, okay.

Freezing this moment on the tombstone, he will always be young and flying freely.

Ji Huiying's pale face was flushed with red eyes, and her expression was numb and hollow. Even if Bai Xunyin rushed back from the airport directly, she didn't find it, she kept staring at Bai Hongsheng's photos blankly.

How long she watched, Bai Xunyin also stood silently behind her for a long time.

Until the silent cemetery, there was a choking scream from deep in the throat.

The voice was not crying—because the pain was so painful that I couldn’t cry.

Their affectionate relationship for more than ten years has never changed, whether it has experienced family turmoil or devastating blows.

"Yinyin." Ji Huiying's voice was hoarse, turning her back to Bai Xunyin and said softly: "Come with your father."

After she finished speaking, she covered her mouth with her slender hand and left the cemetery, staggering several times during which she almost fell.

After she left, Bai Xunyin had to face the facts, and with every step she took, she rushed to the front of the tombstone with great difficulty.

As if all his strength had been emptied, Bai Xunyin knelt on the ground uncontrollably.

There was a mist in front of her, and she didn't know how long she had been kneeling on the hard ground.

In fact, she has always known that Bai Hongsheng will probably not wake up, but she always deceives herself and thinks that the word ‘miracle’ might happen, and has been expecting it unrealistically.

Bai Xunyin has always wanted Bai Hongsheng to wake up one day, she wants to tell him that she and her mother are living well and that she has not been bullied by those bad guys... She doesn't want to hurt her own father and will not live in heaven.

It's a pity, it's a delusion after all.

But it doesn't matter, everyone will meet again in the sky in the end.

During the entire vacation, Bai Xunyin stayed at home, staying in his cramped room, almost reluctant to step out.

Obviously it was a familiar place, but Bai Xunyin felt weird. Someone was talking to her, but she just felt that she couldn't hear clearly and couldn't respond.

It seems that Ji Huiying has been here, Amo has been there, even grandpa and grandma have been here... It's just that Bai Xunyin has been sitting on the bed with numb knees, not moving.

In fact, she heard them crying or screaming, but her limbs, including every cell, were inexplicably exhausted, and she couldn't respond.

Only Bai Xunyin knew that she did not'torture' herself.

This is a hurdle for her, and only she can help herself to get through it.

It wasn't until the day before returning to the north that Bai Xunyin's haunting mind finally awoke, and finally accepted the fact that Bai Hongsheng had completely left the world.

Since then, she has no father, and Bai Hongsheng's death is accompanied by her thoughts.

Bai Xunyin found that her tears were always much slower than ordinary people. When she broke up with Yu Luoyin three years ago, she cried only half a month later, and this time too.

She later realized that for half a month, she cried all night.

After waking up the next day, the eye sockets were red and the eyelids were swollen, but I was finally able to talk to others.

"Grandpa, grandma, mom." Bai Xunyin was neatly dressed, pushed open the bedroom door and walked out. He smiled lightly at the three elderly people in the living room who were sitting and lying uncomfortably looking over. He didn't speak for half a month. The voice is cold and slightly dumb—

"Don't worry about it."

"I'm ready."

Bai Xunyin has not forgotten a sentence he wrote down in his notebook before: life is a painful practice, nothing more than pain or more pain.

She is just a corner of all beings, and what she deserves is destined to endure.

After Bai Hongsheng passed away, Ji Huiying's originally not vigorous spirit seemed to wither completely. When Bai Xunyin went to study in the north, she simply returned to her hometown in the ancient town with her parents.

Ji Huiying doesn't want her life to be the capitalized "loneliness". It might be the best choice to accompany her parents to take care of them.

Anyway, she has retired, and her life is the same everywhere. There is no need to rent a house in the ancient town. Instead, her pension can be reserved for Bai Xunyin to study.

Once this decision is made, there is no room for change.

When he dreamed back at midnight, Bai Xunyin was awakened in the dormitory, thinking of those things nearly half a year ago.

She thought of the scene where she helped Ji Huiying pack up and move house before returning from the funeral, and a shallow layer of cold sweat broke out on her back.

She panted thinly, and a thin mist of water appeared in front of her eyes.

Sometimes a question mark will pop up in Bai Xunyin's mind unconsciously—has she really lived in Lin Lan for 18 years?

Why is there...nothing belongs to her now?

Bai Hongsheng is gone. Mom has gone to the ancient town. Of course, grandpa and grandma are gone, and even the place to live is gone. Now that she is returning home during the winter and summer vacations and Chinese New Year holidays, she can't say that she is returning to Linlan, but to the ancient town.

After living in Lin Lan for so many years, didn't he leave a trace?

The heating in the winter in the north is sufficient, but Bai Xunyin's slender fingers gripped the sheet tightly, and he only felt cold, as if there was a bottomless black hole in his heart.

Bai Xunyin was admitted to the school in his senior year, and he still chose the graduate students of the school. She did not consider the universities in Beicheng and Fancheng-even if her score has reached the admission score of TOP1 colleges and universities.

But Bai Xunyin's ambition is not in TOP1, she now seems like a little beast that has been injured all the time, she just wants to stay in her own "comfort zone", she is used to everything in the north.

It's just that Bai Xunyin's "comfort zone" is different from the "comfort zone" understood by ordinary people.

In the four years of undergraduate and two years of postgraduate, she has become a well-known ‘abnormal school flower’ on the University of Technology Student Forum.

This title is not to praise her perverted beauty, but to lament that Bai Xunyin is almost perverted academically.

If it’s okay when I was in my freshman year and sophomore year, I didn’t know what happened since the junior year. Bai Xunyin suddenly became a precision instrument that seemed to only know how to learn. The degree of retreat.

I got up for a run at seven o'clock without any movement. I didn't end any course. I went to the library for self-study when there was no class. I came back almost every day when it was dark.

The library of the University of Technology is very famous, it is vast, but almost all the students who go there often find a ‘beautiful’ landscape-Bai Xunyin.

Apart from studying and researching, there seems to be no other fun in her life.

Bai Xun's sound is long and pure, but he doesn't like to laugh or talk. He looks like he is studying in the library with his eyes and has an aura of'rejecting people from thousands of miles away', which makes the boys who have been eager to move automatically and spontaneously. The dying flag died down.

In the freshman year, there were ‘innocent’ boys like Fang Xu who were not afraid of death to chase Bai Xunyin, but when Bai Xunyin was a graduate student, there were no boys who dared to come forward and propose associations at all.

Bai Xunyin was completely unaware of this.

In fact, Bai Xunyin didn't know the rumors spread by the school, what kind of perversion, so that she pretended to study hard and so on... It's just that she didn't care.

Except for actions, nothing else can fight back those rumors.

And the grade points at the end of each semester were made public, and when Bai Xunyin hoisted the top spot under the melee of all the major students in the school, those messy criticisms naturally disappeared.

She is already at the level of'Learning God', defeating 99% of the students in the school.

In high school, Bai Xunyin studied hard and became the number one.

Now she is really the number one every time, but somehow...I don't think it's too bad.

Unknowingly, the nephrite warm-scented girl who was bred in the water village has grown to be even colder than the winter in the north.

The temperament on Bai Xunyin's body is getting more ‘strong’ every year, just like the freezing cold air in the north.

But only those who are really familiar with her know that Bai Xunyin is only getting more and more numb and dull on the outside, and it is not easy to enter.

The three-point-one-line of the classroom library research room for a long time made her immersed in endless numbers, experiments, and various theoretical studies... She had to become numb.

In fact, inside, she was still the original girl who was not good at speech, but was gentle and good at talking.

The rumors of "indifferent and indifferent, afraid to approach" are nothing but fragile paper tigers.

In the evening, Bai Xunyin took a meal from the library to the cafeteria and went back to the dormitory. He saw Zhao Na, who was also a graduate student at the University of Technology, putting on makeup.

She blinked her long eyelashes and turned her head excitedly when she heard the movement.

"Yinyin, the department organized a dinner today. Let's go together in the evening." Zhao Na waved her makeup brush and said excitedly: "It is said that there are other schools, so I should meet a lot of handsome boys!"

As she talked, she wriggled in front of the makeup mirror, happily describing to her-years have passed, and Zhao Na is not the bare-faced girl in her freshman year, she is particularly skilled in makeup.

Bai Xunyin glanced down at the bottles and cans in front of her, only thinking that cosmetics was a topic she could only study in her next life.

"Forget it." Bai Xunyin shook his head, smiled and refused: "I'm not interested in handsome guys."

Zhao Na was speechless. In the past few years, this sentence has almost become Bai Xunyin's mantra—

Not interested in bars

Not interested in falling in love

Not interested in gossip...

In short, everything that normal people would be interested in Bai Xun Yin seems to have no interest!

Obviously she should be a young and alluring beauty, but she has an inexplicable breath of "veteran cadre"...

Zhao Na looked at her with sullen eyebrows: "Please, why are you not interested? Please, Yinyin, can you be even a little curious about other places except the library and the laboratory?"

"..." Bai Xunyin said honestly: "Canteen."

Zhao Na fell directly on the ground.

She acted like a spoiled child: "No way, no way! You must go! I blew out and said I can take my schoolgirl roommate. You have to give me this face."

It has been almost six years since Bai Xunyin came to the University of Technology, and he is still the daughter of the Laoshi son of this school.

I don’t know if it’s the girl who didn’t come to the school, or the selection system is broken and I haven’t re-selected people...

As soon as she lowered her head and watched Zhao Na blinking her long eyelashes and staring at her poorly, Bai Xunyin was still softened.

She hesitated and agreed: "Okay."

"YES!" Zhao Na jumped up in situ full of blood and resurrected, put her arms around Bai Xunyin's shoulders, and asked her in a low voice, "Yinyin, do you know how many boys in our school like you?"

Bai Xunyin: "I haven't studied it."

"Conservative estimate..." Zhao Na chuckled, raising five fingers mysteriously: "This number."

Bai Xunyin raised his eyebrows: "Five?"

"Fuck you!" Zhao Na was angry: "It's five hundred!"

…

To what extent people can exaggerate, Bai Xunyin can be seen.

"Don't worry." Zhao Na patted her chest and said without shame: "Sister will introduce you to the most handsome tonight."

She almost looked like she had come prepared.

Bai Xunyin smiled indifferently, and didn't take it to heart—University seems to be a natural love sacred place. Young people with passion and youth get together and have money and leisure. Why don't they fall in love?

Bai Xunyin knew that all of her roommates had boyfriends, none of them were alone, and some had even changed several times, except for her.

She wore the name of a'school flower', a face that made people think about it at a glance. She was invulnerable to feelings, like the toughest shield in the world, no one can shake it.

Over the years, all kinds of boys have expressed their affection for her, radiated love, and even outside the school... But Bai Xunyin and their dialogue has never exceeded ten sentences.

It's not that she deliberately doesn't fall in love, but Bai Xunyin has never had that kind of ‘attracted’ feeling.

It seems that the switch in terms of feelings was turned off after the ‘Vigorous’ six years ago. There was a thick layer of dust on the switch, but no one could touch it.

Bai Xunyin knew that Zhao Na was worried about her, and that she was worried that she would become the "Exterminator Tai" when she was young.

So Bai Xunyin smiled and nodded, and agreed: "Okay."

Her roommate wants to introduce her to her boyfriend. She has always been indifferent, as long as she meets the first time, she knows if she feels it.

And Zhao Na also knew her ‘rules’, and even dared to introduce her to her when she knew it well, and she said in advance that she was not afraid to refuse.

It's just that Bai Xunyin didn't expect that this time... the person Zhao Na introduced was really a bit different.

The two arrived at the gathering place hand in hand. In the huge lobby, the crowds were full of people. Zhao Na, wearing a beautiful ink blue suit, and Bai Xun Yin, wearing a white lab coat next to him, instantly attracted the attention of many people.

Zhao Na wanted to cover her face a little bit—she told Bai Xunyin to change a dress in the dormitory before, but Bai Xunyin said that she was too lazy to change, so she came here in a perfunctory manner.

Zhao Na hurriedly waved to the west end and shouted, "Chen Zhi, here!"

Chen Zhi is Zhao Na's boyfriend and also a graduate student of the University of Technology.

Bai Xunyin casually followed her gestures and saw a stubborn and thin back, standing next to Chen Zhi talking to him, revealing a small half of his face with delicate and neat lines.

Hearing Zhao Na's call, the two of them turned and walked over together.

Bai Xunyin's nonchalant pupils gradually became more serious when the boy turned around, and even watched them come by in a daze.

For the first time, she has a feeling of being'attracted'.

I don't know why, she always feels that this boy seems familiar.

"Yinyin, this is what I want to introduce to you, sophomore." Zhao Na leaned over and leaned close to her ears and muttered in excitement, "He is dead, right? His name is Sheng Jianian..."

After Zhao Na said anything else, Bai Xunyin was a little confused.

Because this younger student named Sheng Jianian went from far to near until he walked in front of her with a gentle smile on his face. When he reached out to her and said, "Senior sister, hello", Bai Xunyin Only then did I know where the strange state of mind came from.

This childish boy...whether it's body features, temperament and demeanor, it's a bit like Yu Luoyin's time in high school.

In an instant, a large amount of memory that should have been dusty poured into his mind, and Bai Xunyin's small face became pale uncontrollably.

No wonder, no wonder.

It turns out that she will always be attracted to boys similar to Yu Luoyin, but although Bai Xunyin is nostalgic, she can't be a ‘smiling smile’.