My Pick Up Artist System

[Dungeon instance detected]

[Special Event initiated for user's first dungeon run]

Ben eye's popped out as he peered around. The bass from the speakers thumped in his chest. The heat from the dancing and drinking patrons washed over him like a wave as he tried to acclimate.

Yet, no matter where he looked, he didn't see any goblins or orcs running around. 'What dungeon? This is a damn bar!'

[Special Event: Slaying Biddies and Adventurers - Double rewards for the next 3 hours]

…

After this alert, Ben flipped his script. 'What bar? I was blind but now I see! This is clearly a dungeon!'

He would call it Hogwarts if it meant double rewards!

Despite the lack of monsters, this bar Domina was unusual. Although it had everything a normal bar did, there was a dominatrix or S&M theme, decorated with lots of black leather, wh.i.p.s, and sharp metal spikes. 'Is that why the system considered it a dungeon?' Ben squinted. 'I just hope slaying is a metaphor…'

Antonio brought him back to Earth with an elbow nudge to the arm. "Bro, have you ever done night game?"

Ben shook his head.

Antonio realized Ben had never been out to a nightlife venue before and understood Ben needed to learn the basics first. "Ok cuz, it's like this. Approaching women at night is different. If you see a chick by herself, you can open her like normal, but at night, very few people are alone. Most travel in packs. This causes many more issues. For example, let's say there're two chicks, and you open one of them. What do you think is gonna happen?"

Ben shrugged.

"What'll happen is regardless of how much your target likes you, her friend will pull her away, effectively blocking your c*ck..."

...

Antonio's face became solemn. "This is the dreaded ancient practice of c*ckblocking you may have read about in history textbooks...but in modern times, scholars now understand the psychology of these villains..."

...

Antonio gave off the aura of a philosopher in a d*ck t-shirt. "The reason for the c*ckblocker's dark path...is she doesn't want to be alone. Get me? If you occupy her friend, the other chick's going to be left by herself, which is a nightmare to a woman. On top of that, the c*ckblocker can also become jealous of the target because they're getting all the attention..."

Ben processed this new information.

Speaking over the loud music, Antonio continued. "That's why we call any group a set, and the ones that are not your target chick, the potential blockers of the c*ck, we call them obstacles. Think of obstacles like mines that if not defused, will blow your set up."

"Obstacles…" The word seemed too appropriate to Ben in this dungeon instance.

"Yea, try opening some sets yourself first so you'll know what I'm talkin' about. I'll tell you what to do. So far, you've mostly been opening chicks who were alone right?"

Ben nodded. He opened some groups to practice public speaking, but those never went very far. All his success was with solo girls.

"Ok, so before you were using single-target openers, but now you're going to use group openers. It's important you open all the chicks in the set together, not only your target. Otherwise, the obstacle will trigger a timer and eventually explode. That means your opener also can't be too direct on one chick. It has to be an indirect opener for the group, some question or comment to get everyone to take part."

Ben understood. He came up with some ideas.

"Right, so you open the set, and then once you're stuck in, you work on defusing the obstacle. You do that by chatting them all up first and even giving the obstacle more attention. Then once she's defused, you can focus on your target, and hope the obstacle will go off and do her own thing."

Ben got the general point. "Ok. I'm going to try it…" Ben scanned around for a group of two girls…In the corner at a small round table, he saw two girls talking. He made his approach.

"Hey girls…" Ben greeted.

The two girls looked up at Ben, waiting for him to continue.

'Group opener…a question that includes both of them,' he reminded himself.

"Who's the bigger s.l.u.t?"

…

Ben needed to choose his target, and s.l.u.ttiness was his key factor. He wagged his finger from one girl to the other, doing eenie meenie miney mo.

He expected one of them to stop his finger at the correct answer, but his answer never came. Not with words anyway. He dodged a drink!

***

"What's with that opener?!?" Antonio yelled.

"It's basic math! They can't both be the same level of s.l.u.t!" Ben defended himself.

"Why ask them who's s.l.u.ttier at all?!?"

"Or ask what, looks and personality?!? I'm not that shallow! I only care about s.l.u.ttiness!"

Antonio's mouth hung open. He was speechless. He felt there was a pearl of sage wisdom to the words, but somehow…the logic seemed flawed? He made a suggestion. "Ok, that opener didn't fly. Ease up a little bit. How about you try somethin' different? Instead of a question, try a comment."

Ben thought it sounded reasonable. He looked around for another two-set, and spotted two women at the corner of the bar drinking beer and chatting. He went over.

'A comment this time…' he said to himself as the two women glanced at him.

"Of the two of you…" Ben paused, showing a confident smile. "One is a bigger s.l.u.t. That one would be…"

***

"You did eenie meenie miney mo again!" Antonio shouted.

"It's called using body language! Take a speaking class and you'll know about it!" Ben responded.

Antonio rubbed his temples. "Aight. It's clear you're not ready to make up group openers on the spot."

Ben sighed. "Fine…" Even though those sets bombed, he made an important discovery. 'Now that I consider it, the system should have some hidden stats. My drink dodging skill has improved by leaps and bounds!'

The young hero's growth motivated him to continue exploring this treacherous dungeon. He was becoming more powerful!