Pastor's Tantra

Aiwass himself certainly did not keep a diary.

This will make him feel unsafe, as if his heart is being peered into. You will feel this way just by writing it down, even if theoretically no one else will see your diary.

Under such circumstances, if Aiwass were asked to write a diary, he would not be able to tell the truth.

Just like sharing daily life on social platforms - the shared content has of course been processed, refining the interesting parts, artificially removing the uninteresting elements, and hiding the things that make you feel ashamed. You may even tell lies that you believe and repeat them over and over again in an attempt to modify your memory.

——But on the other hand, if you read other people's diaries, Aiwass will feel a kind of aggression.

Peeping is a kind of covert aggression, but it is different if you accept the other person's consent and watch under the other person's gaze - it feels like peeling off the layers of the other person's heart in person. This feeling excited Aiwass even more than peeling off his clothes.

Even if the diary is not entirely true, at least you can taste the state of mind when you wrote it... Just like folklore usually has some connection with what really happened at that time.

After all, lies are like dreams, psychedelic things that need truth as the fermented grains to ferment out.

Isabel said that "you don't need to read that part," but she didn't explicitly refuse. That’s what I want to see for myself.

From this perspective, perhaps it was not Aiwass who peeled off the first layer, but Isabel herself...

Aiwass vaguely felt that Isabel might have been alone for too long, and she desperately hoped that someone could free her from the fear of the past. And that change had better be strong enough.

Because if she is too gentle, she may want to continue to stop there and remain still... Her heart is strong. Because just a little tenderness is enough to heal the heartache caused by staying in the dark.

But that always treats the symptoms rather than the root cause.

If you want to buy it, buy permanent fashion, and if you want to bring someone with you, bring it to customs clearance!

Is there any sense in doing things half way?

Unless you are deliberately teasing the other party...

And this made Aiwass feel excited for a long time.

But he still restrained himself and started reading from the beginning - if he turned directly to the end, the purpose would be too obvious. Moreover, without the previous foreshadowing, he would not be able to resonate with Isabel and would make her feel disrespected and uncomfortable.

However, Aiwass looked at this "Royal Diary" seriously and quickly got involved.

Because this diary did record a lot of things that he didn't know...

"July 3, 1887, sunny."

"If you see these words, it means I am dead."

Transcribed in elegant and clean words, it was a diary or suicide note left by a seemingly calm man: "Whether it was due to poisoning, disease or curse, eight people in the family have died in the past seven years. .This cannot be an accident in any way.

“In other words, we must be prepared to die at any time. We must live each day as if it were our last, and we must be prepared for the possibility that one day in the future, all of us may die.

"At that time, no one will speak for us anymore, and we will no longer be speechless. Because the dead cannot speak. Before then, we have to leave some evidence... to prove that we have been here and that we have lived."

"My brothers and sisters, my elders, my children. I hope you won't be too sad when you read these words, and it won't be too late... don't be too late to have lost your reason and dignity. Come from here Said, I wish I could die sooner.

"I will keep my diary until my death. After my death, this diary will be passed on to the entire Du Lac family.

"I hope you can remember - Lancelot's descendants are not cowards and are not afraid of death."

This is the first diary entry at the beginning of the book, and is obviously why they kept diaries.

...Leave records and proof?

Aiwass mused.

Although he didn't know who this person was, he did admire his composure.

The next article is still in his tone, but a lot of content is skipped in the middle. Apparently Isabel copied only the most critical parts.

"September 1, 1887, sunny."

"I may be dying, but I hope you can live well."

Then, there was the tone of the second person.

He seemed anxious.

"September 4th, heavy rain"

"My eldest brother also passed away. He seemed to have died from a curse. Mom was also very sad... It has been raining for three days. Are you here to say goodbye to him?"

"I saw your diary, and I understand what you mean. Knights must have their own dignity...but..."

"Crown Master...my Lord. What do you think? Why do you let us endure this kind of suffering?"

And then, it jumped directly to a few months later.

"January 3rd, rain"

"My Annie is finally gone... She is only eight years old! This damn curse has tortured her for so long!"

"If you really want to die, you might as well let me die for her! If I can catch the curser, I will peel off his skin and roast him on the fire!"

"Crown Master, what do you think? Is this your punishment for us?"

Seeing those words full of despair, Aiwass's fingers moved slightly.

He pursed his dry lips.

This should be the death of the child of the prince or princess who recorded the diary.

His excitement gradually became heavier, and his brows frowned slightly.

Just from the diaries of two people, he could feel the resentment and obsession entwined in this book.

At the same time, he looked at the selection of content and realized something else:

If Prince Andrew was the only mole, he shouldn't have attacked the little girl. This is more like a traditional curse... According to the traditional curse, the curse will attack the weakest person within the curse range. In this case, it is easy for children to get cursed.

In other words, when Andrew went to find the mastermind behind the scenes to cooperate, the curse had actually been popular for some time?

He sat on the chair in front of Isabel's desk and looked at Isabel, who was standing behind him and also looking at the diary: "How old were you when you started copying this?"

"This is actually the third book. I was nine years old when I copied it for the first time."

Isabel put her hand gently on Aiwass's shoulder, just like Aiwass put his hand on her shoulder before.

Her Royal Highness the Princess with long golden hair said softly: "Anne is my sister, she is one year younger than me. I remember it very clearly, because that was my first playmate who died in the curse.

"Before this, I actually didn't feel much about the curse. Even though it happened around me, I always felt that it was something far away from me.

"——Until my best friend fell on the hospital bed and kept coughing. The curse she suffered from was chronic, and she was cured and relapsed repeatedly by priests... But she couldn't eat, and her body became... She became weaker and weaker. Finally, she left us in the middle of the night...She didn't call for help, she must have been tired."

Isabel lowered her eyes and said softly.

Immediately afterwards, Aiwass turned back the diary.

"January 7, sunny"

"Today is a sunny day, a good day to die."

"January 8, 1889, sunny."

"Yesterday, Princess Valeria committed suicide. Perhaps she was too sad because of the death of little Princess Anne. This is also the first member of the Du Lac family to die of suicide after the occurrence of an unknown curse."

"Some people suggested that we simply go to war with Star Antimony or Iris, but my mother dismissed it. She seems to have her own plan, and I believe her."

"I actually don't want to start a war, because we don't know who our enemy is. The curse may not be permanent, but the harm caused by war to people is permanent..."

"I am Herak du Lac. I will record it all and tell people. I will do my best to record it until the end... The Du Lac family persisted until the end and never fell."

"July 1, 1889, sunny. But I hope it rains."

"Crea is dead. My wife Correa is dead."

"It turns out that the curse is not aimed at the Du Lac family, but at the entire royal family."

"I'm shaken. I'm angry, and I want to go to war. I know it would only destroy me, destroy Avalon. But I'd rather have everything destroyed... But no. I can't do that, Correa He told me to stand up for my justice."

"…useless justice."

"Right now I just want to protect my little Fili and hope he's okay."

Aiwass was silent.

There is apparently no one named "Fili" among the living royal family. For him who already knew the outcome, this story was too heavy.

So he paused for a while before turning another page.

"January 1, 1890, rain."

"Dad is dead. I am Fili, and now I will continue writing for dad."

"I want to live, and everyone must live too. I want my gryphon to be as powerful as Uncle Renekton. Destroy all evil and save everyone."

"April 2, 1891. Clear."

"Little Fili is dead. Another one is dead. When will it be mine? I don't know."

"You can live one day at a time, and the bluebells are beautiful today. Just like me."

"Haha, I hope I can die beautifully. If possible, I would like to put on my most beautiful dress and die quietly among the bluebells. It would be best if it could be painted into a painting."

"Will anyone love me after death? Eternal self, if I give myself to you, can I dance with you under the moon?"

"August 1, 1891, sunny."

"Chris passed away today. It's probably going to be me soon."

"His Majesty advised us, saying that those who want to live can leave the Palace of Silver and Tin and abandon the name of Du Lac, and maybe they can live. But now, is it really useful? People who really want to kill us, even if Can we survive if we leave here?"

"I think the only way to survive is to become a Star Antimony or an Iris Man. But I choose to refuse such an ugly and humble way of life."

"I hope that you who read this diary will also choose to reject it. But if you choose to accept it, I won't blame you."

"Everyone can live and give up death, children. You have the right to live. But I hope you will not betray glory - betrayal is the worst sin, and losing glory is worse than death."

"My Lord, I will fight to the end and never give in. I will hold my head high until the end of glory and life."

"My lord, I will come to you."

Those are sonorous and powerful words.

Aiwass took another deep breath, his fingertips trembling slightly.

The diaries of the royal family members end here, and the rest is Isabel's diary.

The first line that opens is the diary from 1887.

"I am really scared……"

"Dad said, I can cry..."

Just two sentences.

This is the first diary entry Isabel left.

But just looking at it, Aiwass seemed to see the nine-year-old little girl.

She was so alone, so scared...so vulnerable.

He turned back and looked at Isabel who looked away shyly.

Despite this, there was a shallow, invisible smile on her face. That was the expression he showed when he obviously wanted to laugh but deliberately kept a straight face.

——She is no longer afraid.

update completed!