Picking the stars

They lie on a bed with a pair of pillows close to each other, covering the same quilt.

Pei Ji said: "Okay." Worried that he didn't make it clear, "I'll exchange with you, it's fair."

She agreed.

Song Er couldn't help but bend his lips, a little happy after taking advantage of the professor's soft heart.

But the happiness lasted only a short while, because next, she had to tell the professor about that period that she didn't want to mention or recall.

"Actually, when I just woke up and found that I couldn't see, I was not very angry or angry." Song Er tried to use a brisk tone. "My doctor said that there is a big congestion in the brain, which oppresses the optic nerve. , That’s why I can’t see it. There is hope of regaining my eyesight in the future, but it is also possible that I have not been able to see it all the time."

Pei Ji listened intently, without knowing why, she imagined that scene in her mind. In a ward, everything is white, white walls, white bedding, doctor's white coat, and Song Clean sick clothes on his body.

She lay on the bed and listened to the doctor telling her a cruel diagnosis.

Pei Ji couldn't imagine it anymore, because a question popped up in her mind. When listening to the doctor's diagnosis, did Song Wei cry?

She couldn't answer it for herself, but when this question came up, Pei Ji felt her heart was very uncomfortable, and she wanted to be punctured by a needle, which was very painful.

"People, there will always be a fluke." Song Er still said in a brisk tone. "My thoughts were very funny at the time. I thought, my eyes are always good. I can always see mountains and seas. How could it be possible that the crowds and tall buildings will never be seen again at the age of twenty-three. It's impossible, I will definitely be cured, it must be a false alarm, and I will definitely be able to see it in the future. Then this thought came up. When it comes out, I will immediately refute myself in my heart. Don't think so, don't take it for granted. It's just a flag. What if it falls? What if I can't be so lucky."

Pei Ji couldn't understand her inner activities of contradictions, but she could understand that in this panic and fearful heart, Song Er's fear and fear.

"Anyway, it's not very bitter or deep." Song Wei smiled.

"The next afternoon when I was blind, I asked the caregiver who took care of me if his eyes were not good? Because I remember that many blind people on TV have either a blood pan or a lot of white eyes in their eyes. Anyway, they are very ugly. But anyway. My nurse is very good, she said, Miss Song's eyes are still very beautiful. It gave me a lot of comfort."

"It's not that good." Pei Ji wanted to be a good listener without interrupting Song Er, but she didn't hold back. "Your eyes are very clean, like Amber, very beautiful."

Song Wei was interrupted and was not angry. She turned her head to face Pei Ji, wanting Pei Ji to see her eyes, and asked, "Do you like it?"

Desperate eyes, like a pool of clear water without ripples, clean and crystal clear, Pei Ji thought that the first time she saw Song Ye, Song Ye was frightened by her, her godless eyes were full of panic, until she said She was Pei Ji, and she calmed down.

"I like it." Pei Ji answered truthfully, liking the lackluster and beautiful eyes.

Song Wei was very satisfied when she said she liked it, she couldn't help moving in the direction of Pei Ji until they were shoulder to shoulder.

Pei Ji did not evade, nor did he say that he did not want this.

Song Er thinks she likes it too.

"However, I won't be too happy later." Song Wei returned to the topic, "It is logical to say that I am getting used to it, but I am getting more and more scared. It's like having a hand pushing me to accept that I am blind. Without this fact, I was at a loss on the first day, and on the second day I would make jokes with people. On the third day, my fears could no longer be concealed by nonchalant things."

"By the fourth day, the doctor said that the area of ​​congestion was beyond their imagination, and the situation was very serious. I felt suffocated. Blindness is terrible and I can't see anything. I didn't dare to take a step when I was walking because I didn't know. What's in front? I need someone to feed me for meals. I can't even take a bath because I can slip and fall, because I don't know where the faucet is, and I often knock over things, which prevents others from cleaning up. I slowly dare not reach out. Within a few days, I forced myself into a corner, feeling that I didn't need to exist."

Pei Ji thought that when she went to pick up Song Er, she had already adapted well, could walk around freely, carry glasses, and organize her luggage. What did she experience in the middle.

"The most terrible thing is at night. I can't sleep. I hear sometimes footsteps in the hallway, wind sounds outside, the clock and minute hand moving by the bedside is very clear, the nurse is turning over on the bed, and there are many other sounds. I'm scared even if it's subtle. I'm always worried that the door of the ward will be suddenly opened, that someone will stand by the bed looking at me, and that someone will hurt me at any time."

If ordinary people are afraid, just be bold and open their eyes to make sure. But Song Er can't, she can't see, she can't be sure. At the beginning, she might ask for help from others, but as the possibility of regaining her sight became less and less, and she became more and more aware of the fact that she was blind, the less she was willing to ask for help from others.

Pei Ji understands these feelings very well, not because she has studied psychology, but because she can really experience them firsthand.

It is strange that the more troublesome things are, the more self-restraint they will be and the less able to speak to others.

“The situation is getting worse and worse. Every time the doctors bring bad news. After a few times, they began to advise me to accept the fact that I was blind and not to continue treatment. The feeling is that there is no hope at all, the point is that I am not Knowing what I did wrong, why should I be punished like this, would not let me see it all at once, making me a blind man."

Song Er couldn't maintain her brisk tone, she seemed to be back to the state at the time.

"I didn't dare to think about how blind people want to live, but I couldn't help thinking about it. I was desperate no matter what. I was depressed for a long time. I didn't want to hear voices and didn't want to talk to people. While I was desperate, I had to convince myself. , Blind, blind, there is always a way to find a way out."

"Thinking about it, it seems to be nothing, but in the next second, more despair will come up again, pestering me and refusing to let me go. I also tried to adapt. I went to learn to walk. My friend took the ward. I was very empty and let me go. Within two days, I walked very well. I took a guide stick and walked a few steps. When I hit the wall, I turned, walked a few more steps, and turned again. It seemed easy. A lot of people around were watching, and they were very happy and applauded, encouraging me and saying Xiao Wei is awesome."

"But I'm not happy at all. I don't want that kind of scene to be seen. It is very dignified. One day, the nurse left because of something. When she went out, she closed the door. The sound of the door closing slammed and knocked. On my eardrums."

"There was a voice at the time, saying, go out and see, how long have you not been out, have you been bored and not uncomfortable? And you are already walking very well, don't be afraid, you can still live like a normal person. I was bewitched. I walked over slowly, touched the door, touched the doorknob, I mustered my courage and opened the door."

"The breath outside the door is very strange. There are people talking, people from far and near, not being able to hear what is being said, and the sound of wheels rolling across the ground, the sound of walking, a lot of noises. I walked out, but just turned on the fan. The door is like entering another world."

"I felt very scared, but I went out, and I don’t know what the psychology is. Maybe I just think that I can live a normal life even if I am blind, and I learned to walk so well. But after walking without two steps, I fell. It’s like stepping on something or tripping over. It hurts so much. My knees and palms are broken, but this is not the worst."

"The worst thing is that I fell on the ground and a lot of people came around. They were so noisy. They said that someone here fell down. What about the doctor, find a doctor, ah! I'm blind, right? I'm blind, and there are people. He whispered to the man, saying you stop talking, and then asked, her caregiver, how did she let her out alone, her hand broke and it was so pitiful."

"There are so many voices, I know they sympathize with me and pity me, and they are afraid of being known by me and taking care of my self-esteem. After all, everyone is a civilized person, but I heard them all, and I know them all."

It had been several months, and Song Er was still very scared when he thought of the scene at that time.

She lowered her eyes, her long eyelashes were hanging down, her eye sockets were already red, and the tears accumulated in the bottom of her eyes, but they still didn't let it flow down.

"Professor, it hurts," Song Er said softly, "The palms and knees hurt."

As Pei Ji listened, she had an idea inexplicably.

So helpless and scared in Song Er, she should be there when someone is said to be blind among strangers. She should help her up, rub her knees and palms, and protect her from strangers. The words hurt.

But she didn't.

She didn't even know that there was a person named Song Er in the world.

Pei Ji felt guilty for no apparent reason. She found Song Er's hand under the quilt, rubbed the palm of her hand, and comforted her strangely and awkwardly: "It doesn't hurt anymore."

Song Wei was aggrieved, but when Pei Ji did this, she couldn't help but laugh.

For the professor, it may be regarded as extraordinary performance.

"Well, it doesn't hurt anymore." Song Wei held Pei Ji's hand instead.

She finished speaking. That time, she stood up by herself, found her way in the many voices, and went out. She didn't know where to go, but she didn't want to stay where she was and be pitiful. In the end, the caregiver returned.

She didn't tell anyone what happened, but for a long time, she was afraid of the crowd and the voice of strangers, until Pei Ji appeared in front of her.

Pei Ji knew that as they agreed, it was her turn next.

But she didn't want to talk a bit.

She moved restlessly, as if there were so many thorns on the bed that made her lie uncomfortably. She also turned off a light, as if it was too bright in the room, which would hinder her.

She also adjusted the temperature of the air conditioner

Turn it down a bit, as if it was suddenly heated up.

She sighed again, trying to make Song Wei understand that she wanted to go back.

Song Er was lying next to her, where could I not feel her resistance. She shook her head, looking helplessly: "Do you want to shame?"

Pei Ji was embarrassed to move.

"I thought the professor had such a strict temperament, he kept his promise." Song Er seemed disappointed.

Pei Ji defended himself: "Promises that are not written into a contract are not counted."

It's like a kid who can't keep his promises, so he can't make excuses for himself.

Song Wei smiled, and couldn't bear to embarrass her, and said generously: "Okay, then it doesn't count."

She understands that if the grievances and shadows of more than 20 years can be said so easily, then many psychologists will lose their jobs.

Although a light was turned off, the room was still very bright. Pei Ji turned his head and saw Song Wei smiling, but her eyes were still red and her lips were a little pale.

She had just buried in her heart the unspeakable thing and told her.

And she also agreed to exchange.

Pei Ji felt very guilty, as if he had done something that was sorry for Song Er.

"Don't be burdened." Song Wei was smiling, there was no light in Wushen's eyes, making her smile look pale, making Pei Ji feel guilty.

Pei Ji closed her eyes, and after a while, she said, "Actually, I can be like a normal person."

Song Er squeezed her hand.

"When I was a graduate student, I did a study on the Chinese-style parent-child relationship model. The survey samples were more than 50. I have summarized what kind of children will be more loved by their parents and will have a more harmonious family. I can imitate it very well. Like."

This investigation, obviously has nothing to do with her profession, she did it deliberately.

Song Wei whispered her thoughts: "But you don't want to, because then it's not Pei Ji."

"They think I'm weird." Pei Ji spoke slowly. She hesitated when she said the word blame, as if she wanted to escape, she didn't want to say it, she didn't want to admit it, but she still forced herself to say it.

"Do you think I am weird?" Pei Ji asked.

Without a trace of hesitation, Song Wei said categorically: "No wonder!"

Pei Ji was silent, Song Yi shook her hand, not knowing what her expression was, whether she agreed or disapproved, Song Yi was a little uneasy.

She subconsciously exhausted all her strength and squeezed Pei Ji's hand very tightly. When she reacted, after several seconds, she quickly let go. The strength must be very painful. I don't know if Pei Ji's hand was pinched by her. Red, but Pei Ji didn't say anything, and didn't say it hurts.

Song Wei became more and more anxious. After a while, maybe several minutes, Pei Ji said weakly: "I'm weird. You know me, not long ago, I am a very weird person. If you know me for a long time, you will hate me. Up."

"I won't." Song Er said hurriedly.

Pei Ji shook her head, she really thought she was weird.

Song Wei couldn't see her shaking her head, she couldn't see her reaction. She was so anxious that tears came out. She held Pei Ji tightly without letting go. With the other hand, she touched Pei Ji's body and thought very hard. Want to hug her.

"Don't blame you." Song Wei said vigorously, "You are the best person I have ever seen. You can't say that to yourself."

She was very anxious, for fear that Pei Ji would have a little thought of denying herself, her tears kept falling, and she seemed really afraid that Pei Ji would deny herself.

She can still control her emotions very well when she clearly talks about her pain. Although her eyes are very red, she can still hold back her tears.

But when she heard that Pei Ji said she was weird, her tears fell so badly, as if Pei Ji was wronged and hurt, she would be more sad and more distressed than Pei Ji.

Pei Ji watched her tears flow so hard, she wiped her gently and said, "Don't cry."

But Song Wei was still very sad. She seemed to be venting all the grievances of the past 25 years for Pei Ji, and Pei Ji's tears also flowed out.

She wanted Song Er not to cry, but she couldn't comfort people. She remembered how her parents comforted the little girl when she saw the little girl fall.

Pei Ji learned that way, and tentatively embraced Song Er, and placed his chin on Song Er’s head gently. She reached out and stroked Song Er’s hair and gently coaxed her: "Oh, don’t cry, my The kitten stops crying."

"The kitten is the best. It's Pei Ji's fault, which makes the kitten sad."

"Touch the kitten's head, so that my kitten will never worry about it all his life."

She was learning from others, but she didn't think that this was not Pei Ji, because every word she wanted to say to Song Er.

No one cares about her anymore like Song Er.

The author has something to say: the original sentence imitated by the professor.

"Hey, stop crying, my Xinxin stops crying."

"Xin Xin is the best, it's all the fault of the ground, which tripped Xin Xin."

"Touch the baby's head, so that my baby will never worry about it for a lifetime."

It can be seen that coaxing a child and coaxing a girlfriend have similarities.