I’m Really a Superstar

Online real-time comments.

"Wow, not bad!"

"What's good?"

"Zhang Ye's cross talk?"

"Are you really looking at it? Isn't it boring?"

"It's just the beginning, it's still the same as before! It's hilarious throughout!"

"Really? Damn, let me go take a look!"

"Look, I was almost deceived by those gangsters! Who said it's not good-looking?"

"We are still familiar with Zhang Ye, let's see what they say next!"

Some people in the crosstalk community scoffed.

One of Tang Dazhang's apprentices commented: "In the jargon of cross talk at a party, it is difficult to master the 'segment'. It depends on the artistry and the overall quality, not on whether one or two baggage shakes are good or not, even if you are the whole process The baggage and jokes, but overall there is nothing that makes people reflect and reflect, it is also called a failure!"

A crosstalk actor replied, "Yeah, so it's hard to talk about crosstalk at the party!"

Another disciple of Master Xu who Zhang Ye scolded at the beginning said: "Zhang Ye is just selling his little cleverness now. When it comes time to test the art of cross talk, he won't be able to do it. If you don't believe me, just read on and let the baggage fall apart." The cross talk works that are put together will only become more and more scattered, without a single theme to express."

Professionals are still very accurate. The theme of Zhang Ye's cross talk in the past was actually cursing people, or using the cross talk circle as a line, or refuting anti-three vulgar topics as a context. Although people in the cross talk circle don't like to hear it, to be honest, this This kind of work is still established. At least the lines are clear and it is a complete work. But if it is just pieced together with baggage here and there, it cannot be called a cross talk, let alone a more demanding evening cross talk?

…

Beijing Spring Festival Gala scene.

The crosstalk continues.

Yao Jiancai: "I get ten points out of ten thousand points? Then I'm too bad! Are you praising me?"

Zhang Ye: "What I mean is, isn't there still room for improvement?"

Yao Jiancai: "You should take a rest quickly. This is the Chinese New Year and you are starting to shout at me. I have to announce the curtain before I go on stage.

Our cross talk is called "Everything is Alright." Why are you going further and further? "

Zhang Ye looked around, "Who is doing well?"

Yao Jiancai: "We! The audience!"

Zhang Ye snorted, "That means everything is fine for you and everything is bad for me!"

The audience was happy, what happened to Teacher Zhang?

Yao Jiancai asked with concern: "Hey, what's wrong with the Chinese New Year? Aren't you always good?"

Zhang Ye gestured, "You see, you all praise me today, but actually I couldn't do that before."

Yao Jiancai: "Hey, isn't it true that everyone has a time when they can't do it?"

Zhang Ye: "Before I became a cross talk host, I didn't even have a stable job."

Yao Jiancai: "Really?"

Zhang Ye said eloquently: "I had just graduated from college and went out to find a job."

Yao Jiancai: "It's all the same."

Zhang Ye: "I have had a dream since I was a child. I want to be a football player."

Yao Jiancai looked at him and said, "Okay."

Zhang Ye: "I signed up right then and there, but the coach of the team really liked me when he saw me. He said I was more than 14,000 times better than last year's World Footballer Paang!"

Yao Jiancai was surprised and said: "Oh, that's a genius!"

Zhang Ye: "Then he said that there are just two things that hinder my development."

Yao Jiancai asked curiously: "What two?"

Zhang Ye: "Left leg and right leg."

When the audience heard this, they laughed like crazy!

"Ha ha ha ha!"

"Left leg or right leg?"

"Oh, I'll go!"

"This joke is so funny!"

"What did Zhang Ye think? Hahahaha!"

Yao Jiancai vomited blood, "Hey, then tell me you're not made for this!"

Zhang Ye said angrily: "I hate it too. I saw that there was no chance of playing football. I'd better apply for a job in a private company. I submitted a resume and went for an interview. The examiner didn't even look at me and said, 'I'll give you a minute.'" Time for me to remember you'."

Yao Jiancai smiled and said, "Yes, many interviews say that."

Zhang Ye: "As soon as I thought it was okay, I walked over, swung it round and gave him a big mouth! Then I turned around and ran away!"

Yao Jiancai was startled, "Oh, I really remember you!"

Big mouth? ?

The audience at the scene was already jumping up and down!

Zhang Ye: "As a result, I passed the interview. As soon as I left the company, I got a call. The person said, 'Please come to the company right now.'"

Yao Jiancai: "Hi."

Zhang Ye: "I thought about it for a long time, but I didn't dare to go!"

Yao Jiancai smiled and said, "You shouldn't go."

Audience: "Hahahaha!"

Zhang Ye said angrily: "I hate it. After entering the toilet on the roadside, I washed my face and said to myself in the mirror, 'Zhang Ye, you have to be strong. This little difficulty can't defeat you. Come on.' ,persist in'!"

Yao Jiancai nodded, "Don't be discouraged."

Zhang Ye: "After cheering myself up, I felt a little calmer. When I came out of the toilet, I saw a man walking out of the toilet door opposite you."

Having said this, Zhang Ye turned back in horror.

Yao Jiancai was stunned, "Huh? You stayed in the women's restroom for half a day?"

Some viewers laughed to tears!

"Ha ha ha ha!"

"babble!!"

"Ouch, it was so funny!"

Several hosts of the Beijing Spring Festival Gala over there were almost laughing their heads off!

Dong Shanshan covered her mouth and kept having fun!

Zhang Ye hurriedly said: "I'm going to run away!"

Yao Jiancai: "We have to run."

Zhang Ye: "A group of old ladies came out of the toilet and chased me. The leader shouted, 'Catch him, just him, talking nonsense in the women's toilet. I was so scared that I didn't dare to come out'!"

Yao Jiancai was happy: "You are quite unlucky."

Zhang Ye said unhappily: "I just thought that this is not going to work. I have to work and I have to make money. What should I do if I want to make money? You have to spend money first."

Yao Jiancai shook his head: "Hey, are you giving me a gift?"

Zhang Ye: "After spending a lot of money, I finally became an official employee of a state-owned enterprise and work in Beijing."

Yao Jiancai: "Yeah?"

Zhang Ye said happily: "Our job is good. We don't have to work every day. The section chief who gave me gifts often takes us out to eat. There are only seven or eight people. Every time we have a big table of food."

Yao Jiancai: "What kind of food?"

Zhang Ye: "Yes, steamed lamb, steamed bear paws, steamed deer tail, roasted flowers, duck, roasted chicken, roasted goose oven, pig oven, duck sauce, chicken bacon, pine flower belly, sauce, meat sausage, assorted crispy plate, smoked chicken, white face, steamed eight-treasure pig, glutinous rice Stuffed duck in a can, pheasant in a can, quail, braised assorted pieces, braised goose, pheasant, rabbit breast, python, whitebait, steamed hash, braised duck loin, braised duck strips, clear mixed loin, shredded yellow heart tube, bright white eel, yellow eel, bean drum Abalone pot-roasted carp, fried soft-shell turtle, fried carp, fried shrimp, soft-fried tenderloin, soft-fried chicken, assorted sausages, braised jackdaw, spicy oil rolls, braised fresh mushrooms, braised fish breasts, braised fish belly, braised fish slices, braised pork slices with vinegar... …”

This long section of the traditional "Reporting the Name of the Dish" made all the audience dumbfounded!

The crosstalk actors watching the show in front of the TV also looked at each other and took a breath of air!

Many people in Guankou will say that, especially "Reporting the Name of the Dish", this is a basic skill for their cross talk actors. Many actors who admire them can do it. However, the reason why they are shocked is because Zhang Ye said that they really I can't fucking say it. Zhang Ye's speaking speed can be described as crazy. He spoke in one breath from beginning to end. It was the astonishing speaking speed when he was the host of "The Voice" and spoke advertising slogans!

No one can imitate it!

Speaking of Guankou, this is the first time for everyone to see it!

Tang Dazhang's heart also sank. He didn't expect that Zhang Ye would skillfully integrate the traditional cross talk into the show, and even match the speaking speed that shocked people all over the country when he was on "The Voice"!

There was thunderous applause!

Bang bang bang!

"good!"

"well said!"

"That's awesome!"

"At this speed, he's about to take off!"

The audience also had goosebumps because it was so fast! This speed is three or even four times that of other crosstalk actors when they talk!

This mouth is so scary!

Zhang Ye on the stage finished speaking.

Yao Jiancai was surprised: "Why do you need so many dishes? How much does it cost?"

Zhang Ye waved his hand and said, "Public funds!"

Yao Jiancai suddenly said, "Hi!"

Hearing this, many crosstalk actors were startled again. Is this a satire on eating and drinking with public funds?

Yao Jiancai: "The country is cracking down on this now! Are you still committing crimes against the odds?"

Zhang Ye said: "Not only do we eat, our section chief also often takes us on trips. We go to Shanghai, Guilin, Suzhou, everywhere."

Yao Jiancai: "You are also burning money."

Zhang Ye looked at Lao Yao, "But during the trip, I discovered some uncivilized phenomena."

Yao Jiancai asked: "What phenomenon?"

Zhang Ye: "Some monuments and attraction signs have people actually writing on them, such as "I'm here for a visit", "I love you", etc. There are also people who have engraved names on them, such as Yao Jiancai..."

Yao Jiancai quickly stopped him, "Without me! I won't do this!"

The audience laughed: "Hahahaha!"

Zhang Ye: "Just giving an example."

Yao Jiancai said: "There is such an uncivilized phenomenon!"

Zhang Ye: "I have such a strong sense of justice. When I see this, I get angry. I'm so angry that I can't help it. I have to talk about them! It's so outrageous!"

Yao Jiancai nodded, "Yes, we have to talk about them!"

Zhang Ye pondered, picked up the fan on the table as a pen, and wrote in the air, "Comrade, I want to criticize you! How can you write graffiti here? Do you still have any quality? Do you still have any qualities?" A little sense of public morality? How did your father teach you? How did your mother teach you? How did your grandfather teach you? How did your grandma teach you? How did your aunt teach you? How did your eighth aunt teach you? Taught you?"

Yao Jiancai was stunned.

The audience was bursting with laughter!

"I can not make it!"

"Hahahahaha!"

"Oh, I'm crying!"

Zhang Ye relieved his anger and said, "Anyway, I cursed him with more than a thousand words on the wall! It's so irritating!"

Yao Jiancai glared and said, "More than a thousand words?"

Zhang Ye: "That's right, they are so uncivilized!"

Yao Jiancai said angrily: "People write 'come here for a visit' with only four words at most, but you write more than a thousand words? You are less civilized than him!"

Zhang Ye rolled his eyes: "Why am I so uncivilized? Our section chief praised me after seeing it. He said, Xiao Zhang, you did a good job. If you see such uncivilized behavior, you must resolutely criticize and correct it!"

Audience: "Hahahaha!"

Yao Jiancai fainted and said: "What kind of section chief are you? Sooner or later something will happen!"

Zhang Ye suddenly smacked his lips and said, "I'm sorry to hear you say it, but something will happen in a few days."

Yao Jiancai: "What's going on?"

Zhang Ye: "I was traveling abroad that day... No, we went abroad for inspection, and we met pirates in the Caribbean."

Yao Jiancai was startled, "Ouch!"

Zhang Ye: "The pirates took out their guns as soon as they got on the ship and demanded five million!"

Yao Jiancai: "What should we do?"

Zhang Ye: "Our section chief is experienced in many battles. He directly went to the pirate leader and said, 'Five million is fine, but you have to issue me an invoice for 100 million'!"

Yao Jiancai: "Ah?"

Zhang Ye: "The pirates are crying, but you are still ruthless in making money!"

Yao Jiancai: "Hi!"

The scene has been flooded with laughter again and again!

"Hahaha!"

"Issuing a 100 million invoice? Oops!"

"Hahahahaha!"

After hearing this, people in the cross talk community fell silent.

The cross talk actors who were still questioning on Weibo just now had no movement at this time.

Everyone in the audience was so excited!

Giving gifts based on relationships?

Sarcastic about eating and drinking on public funds?

To satirize the uncivilized phenomenon of tourism?

Speaking frankly about the trick of reimbursing public funds?

These are the most basic means of cross talk to criticize current ills! This is a very advanced artistic expression technique!

Only now do many people know that Zhang Ye's cross talk today is based on his work experience, using funny baggage to satirize some of the unhealthy phenomena in today's society! Plus that amazing delivery that no one can imitate...

Who the hell said Zhang Ye couldn't talk about cross talk at the party?

Who the hell said Zhang Ye couldn't speak about traditional works? ?

Pull your grandma’s balls! !